Let a Milla Jovovich be your umbrella. REVIEWED: Resident Evil, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Resident Evil: Extinction, Resident Evil: Afterlife.
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With Labor Day weekend at hand, I thought I’d cram a lot of awesomness into one mega post.
First up, James Cameron thinks he owns the concept of 3D and takes it upon himself to call out Piranha 3D as “exactly an example of what we should not be doing in 3-D.” This prompts Piranha producer Mark Canton to point out that not everyone can “take ten years using other people’s money to make and market a film.” All I can say is that there was ritual mating in both movies and the fish film did it right.
Shamelessly stolen from cbsnews.com
Elsewhere, I Watch Stuff reports that CBS reports that 60 Minutes and Vanity Fair report that nobody gives a crap how evil Mel Gibson is. 76% of those polled said that the scandal would have no effect on their likelihood of seeing a new Mel Gibson movie. If America can separate Gibson the man from Gibson the actor, I suppose I can start going back to my favorite Starbucks, despite that one barista’s outspoken views on abortion.
Here’s Doctor Who favorite David Tennant from the upcoming remake of Fright Night. I’ve never seen the original, but you can pretty much take any beloved genre actor and cast them as a magician and I’ll see that movie. Just ask The Prestige.
Speaking of awe-inspiring images, Juan Pablo Bravo made a HUGE size-comparison chart of just about any Hanna-Barbera character you can think of, 600 in all. Click the tiny sample below for the full shebang.
Almost as cool as knowing the exact relative heights of the Hair Bear Bunch, is Conan O’Brien announcing the name of his new TBS show. It’s a good thing he’s getting back to work. With that beard, he looks like he’d be on the streets with a beaver puppet, leaving angry voicemails for Oksana Grigorieva if he didn’t have something to keep him busy.
And finally, let’s usher in the holiday weekend with everybody’s favorite weekend activity. DANCE PARTY!
Happy Labor Day, folks.
The first time I saw this new teaser poster for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows I thought that it was amazingly hardcore…then confusion begin to set in. Are they now planning on calling it HP7, despite the fact that the poster claims there’s a part 1 and 2? Is that part 1 and 2 of 7 parts? And if “it all ends here”, is that to say that it’s ending in both parts? Oh yeah, and what the hell is a 2D theater? Do they mean a “normal theater”?
I guess I won’t know the answer to any of these questions until I shell out about 30 bucks to see both movies in 3D. Curse you, Warner Brothers!
Still: cool poster.
Please don’t mention Emily in this one. My fragile heart can’t take it. REVIEWED: Toy Story 3. PLUS: Trailers and contest winners and gay jokes and things.
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Nolan to 3D: "Suck it!"
There was a time when I was forced to defend myself whenever I told somebody I didn’t like The Dark Knight. It really would drive them crazy that somebody could find the latest Batman film mediocre at best. Lucky for me, Avatar came along and now I have a whole new film to dislike that drives people crazy nuts.
Meanwhile, despite my dislike of both Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, I still think that Christopher Nolan is a fine director. I was really into Following, Memento, and especially The Prestige. And for what it’s worth, I’m one of those nerds that thinks Inception looks amazing.
One thing I like about Inception? It’s not in 3D. One thing I especally like about Christopher Nolan? He was asked to do Inception in 3D and turned it down. This gives me hope that there still may be a possibility of 3D dying a quick death and being written off as a late 2000’s fad.
Hey, I can dream, right?
Here we go again!
According to /Film, everyone’s favorite dread pirate and evil tornado enthusiast has signed on for Saw VII, reprising his role from the original.
It’s easy to see this as a desperate attempt to inject some life into a series that’s been running low on good ideas lately, but the plot–which centers around a support group for Jigsaw survivors–has some potential. If they manage to get through the whole thing without yet another hackneyed flashback starring Shawnee Smith, I’ll be pleasantly surprised.
Dogs don't wear suits!
Like many, I came out of Men In Black II disappointed. The story was kind of lame, Tommy Lee Jones’s reintroduction could have been much more epic, and it suffered from trying to cram in every character from the first film. I think I’m going to start calling that “Crank 2 Syndrome”.
In any case, I still thought the series had potential, which is why it’s good to hear that both Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones have agreed to a third film. Here’s the thing, though: Without the dynamic of introducing a new recruit to the Men In Black (which both movies used), what’s this movie going to be about? Maybe they’ll be forced to make the plot itself interesting. Or perhaps they’ll just write in a new rookie agent, treating us once again to the classic “small gun is surprisingly dangerous” bit.
Oh, and it’s in 3D.
If it looks good on a messenger bag, Tim Burton will adapt it. REVIEWED: Alice in Wonderland (2010). PLUS: Journeys Shoes? Still exists.
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They live in a secret world touched by magic and surrounded by nature, and the only human who has ever been there, must now fight to save it. This is the story of FernGully: The Last Rainforest. REVIEWED: Avatar. PLUS: Bye Bye Squeaky.
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This week, we’re pulled in two directions. REVIEWED: Drag Me to Hell, Up. PLUS: Critical End!’s first ever contest, your chance to win FABULOUS* PRIZES!
(*Prizes not actually fabulous.)
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Long nose = wackiness!
To get the obvious points out of the way:
My GOD. Do we really need another…
But ignoring all that, Disney is going to promote this thing by carting props and marketing around to 40 cities in a vintage train. At each stop they plan to unload a giant inflatable 3D theater and do sneak previews of the film. I hear about these train tours from time to time and I’m always left wondering, “Are there still trains? Are trains still a thing?”
Where, within these 40 cities, is this train going to stop? Is it like Harry Potter where you have to find the magical entrance to some hidden anachronistic train platform? Or is Disney building an entire rail system solely for the promotion of their poor man’s Grinch?
Either way, I look forward to similar stunts in the future. Perhaps a cross-country hot air balloon tour for Up, a Romanian caravan tour for the Pinocchio Blu-ray, or a sewer-traversing exercise ball tour for G-Force. Speaking of which, this is exquisite.
[Variety]
Critical End! (The Podcast) Episode 6 has creepy buttons for eyes. Also scissors for hands, a corncob pipe, and a belly like a bowl full of jelly. REVIEWED: Coraline, Monkeybone (Retro Pick). PLUS: Many things that have nothing to do with Coraline or Monkeybone.
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Logan and Ryan want to be born now. REVIEWED: The Unborn, My Bloody Valentine 3D. Plus listener questions (kinda).
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