May 27 2011

Critical End! (The Podcast) #93: In-Depp


REVIEWED: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides. Sorry, but after nine and a half hours of pirate movies, I have no witty comment for this description.

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Dec 29 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #76: The Worst Zookeeper Ever


Bring in the logic probe! REVIEWED: Tron, Tron: Legacy.

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Dec 11 2010

Big Fat Muppet Update


Don't freak out, it's totally consensual.

So here’s what we know. First and awesomest, Disney has released an official synopsis for the new Muppet flick:

On vacation in Los Angeles, Walter, the world’s biggest Muppet fan, and his friends Gary (Jason Segel) and Mary (Amy Adams) from Smalltown, USA, discover the nefarious plan of oilman Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) to raze the Muppet Theater and drill for the oil recently discovered beneath the Muppets’ former stomping grounds.

To stage The Greatest Muppet Telethon Ever and raise the $10 million needed to save the theater, Walter, Mary and Gary help Kermit reunite the Muppets, who have all gone their separate ways: Fozzie now performs with a Reno casino house band called the Moopets, Miss Piggy is a plus-size fashion editor at Vogue Paris, Animal is in a Santa Barbara clinic for anger management, and Gonzo is a high-powered plumbing magnate.

With secret, signature, celebrity cameos, The Muppets hits the big screen Nov. 23, 2011.

That’s pretty much what we’ve been hearing with some great new details on what the disbanded Muppets are up to at the film’s beginning. You’ll also note that the release date has been moved form Christmas to Thanksgiving, meaning you’ll get your Muppet fix a full month earlier.

In bittersweet news, Paul Rudd has squashed the rumor that he’s voicing Segel’s puppet pal Walter. Bitter because we all love Paul Rudd, but sweet because my preference is for Muppeteers to voice Muppets. It’s the natural order of things. Of course it’s still possible they’ll go for a celebrity dub job to pull in a broader audience. It’s also possible that Celebrity Dub Job would make a great title for a gameshow.

Last thing, Muppet Central linked some sneaky set pics posted at On Location Vacations. They’re guaranteed to satisfy all your dour-looking-gentleman-manhandling-Beaker needs.

Dec 8 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #74: Gargamel’s Travel Pants


The one where we DON’T complain about the 3D. REVIEWED: Tangled. PLUS: The only podcast with a “C Moon” joke.

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Apr 26 2010

Toying with my childhood (it’s a pun!)


UPDATE: There’s also a Japanese version!

As a child of the 80’s, I have very distinct memories of commercials like this one for Lots-o’-Huggin’ Bear.  Take a look…

I am literally buried under a mountain of sense memory right now.  Which is all the more impressive, considering that this isn’t actually a vintage commercial, but a brand new bit of viral marketing for Toy Story 3.

Too much hugging, one presumes.

That is some impressive mimicry, Pixar.  More evidence that these guys are deeply committed to manipulating me emotionally.  WHY DID THAT SLUT HAVE TO ABANDON JESSIE FOR MAKEUP AND BOYS, DAMMIT?!!?!

Also, if you’re like me, you’re now looking for either this…

…or this…

I never noticed the jaunty key change in the Kid Sister section of the jingle. Girls are always showing off.

Mar 17 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #47: The styles you need and the brands you crave


If it looks good on a messenger bag, Tim Burton will adapt it. REVIEWED: Alice in Wonderland (2010). PLUS: Journeys Shoes? Still exists.

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Dec 24 2009

Critical End! (The Podcast) #37: Moving in with Chad


So…what if he’d kissed a regular frog?  REVIEWED: The Princess and the FrogPLUS: A bunch of Christmas Retro Picks including Jack Frost (not the Michael Keaton one) and a whole messa Muppets.

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Dec 9 2009

Bring in the Logic Probe!

Am I the only person excited about a Tron sequel?  Better question: Am I the only person who will pay to see a Tron sequel?  Disney released this teaser poster today which has made me even more excited.



Consider yourself teased.

May 23 2009

Disney to Pair Tired Retread with Antiquated Transportation

Long nose = wackiness!

Long nose = wackiness!

To get the obvious points out of the way:

My GOD. Do we really need another…

  • version of A Christmas Carol?
  • obnoxious Jim Carrey one-man-show?
  • creepy 3D Zemeckis feature?
  • Christmas movie that will be gone from theaters before Thanksgiving? (No really, look at the date on the poster.)

But ignoring all that, Disney is going to promote this thing by carting props and marketing around to 40 cities in a vintage train. At each stop they plan to unload a giant inflatable 3D theater and do sneak previews of the film. I hear about these train tours from time to time and I’m always left wondering, “Are there still trains? Are trains still a thing?”

Where, within these 40 cities, is this train going to stop? Is it like Harry Potter where you have to find the magical entrance to some hidden anachronistic train platform? Or is Disney building an entire rail system solely for the promotion of their poor man’s Grinch?

Either way, I look forward to similar stunts in the future. Perhaps a cross-country hot air balloon tour for Up, a Romanian caravan tour for the Pinocchio Blu-ray, or a sewer-traversing exercise ball tour for G-Force. Speaking of which, this is exquisite.