Feb 10 2012

Our Complete Movie Ratings for 2011

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Midnight in Paris and The Artist? When the hell did we get so classy? Anywho, remember you can check our respective IMDb pages (Logan here and Ryan here) year round if you want to see what we gave a particular film. But here, for your reference, is each of our complete ratings for 2011.  And below that, our respective best and worst lists.

To hear us chat about this year in movies, make sure to catch our 2011 Wrap-Up podcast.

All ratings are on a 10 point scale.

LOGAN’S LIST

Johnny English Reborn – 8
Midnight in Paris – 8
Super 8 – 8
Chillerama – 7
Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol – 7
The Adventures of Tintin – 7
Contagion – 7
Rise of the Planet of the Apes – 7
Limitless – 7
The Greatest Movie Ever Sold – 7
Apollo 18 – 6
Blitz – 6
Conan the Barbarian – 6
Captain America: The First Avenger – 6
X-Men: First Class – 6
Hanna – 6
The Beaver – 6
Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop – 6
Hall Pass – 6
Our Idiot Brother – 6
The Resident – 6
Kill the Irishman – 6
The Muppets – 5
30:Minutes or Less – 5
Cowboys & Aliens – 5
Lucky – 5
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 – 5
Horrible Bosses – 5
Larry Crowne – 5
Priest – 5
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides – 5
Scream 4 – 5
Sucker Punch – 5
Paul – 5
Source Code – 5
Battle Los Angeles – 5
Red Riding Hood – 5
Take Me Home Tonight – 5
Drive Angry – 5
I Am Number Four – 5
Unknown – 5
Rango – 5
Husk – 5
The Green Hornet – 5
Faces in the Crowd – 4
Abduction – 4
Colombiana – 4
The Caller – 4
The Change-Up – 4
Mr. Popper’s Penguins – 4
Green Lantern – 4
Something Borrowed – 4
Thor – 4
The Task – 4
Seconds Apart – 4
The Mechanic – 4
Hobo with a Shotgun – 4
New Year’s Eve – 3
Shark Night 3D – 3
Fright Night – 3
Your Highness – 3
Mars Needs Moms – 3
The Adjustment Bureau – 3
Beastly – 3
Attack the Block – 3
51 – 3
National Lampoon’s Dirty Movie – 3
The Roommate – 3
The Rite – 3
Season of the Witch – 3
Not Another Not Another Movie – 3

RYAN’S LIST

The Artist – 9
50/50 – 8
Fright Night – 8
Captain America: The First Avenger – 8
X-Men: First Class – 8
Midnight in Paris – 8
The Muppets – 8
The Descendants – 7
Moneyball – 7
Real Steel – 7
Rise of the Planet of the Apes – 7
Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop – 7
Bridesmaids – 7
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 – 7
Super 8 – 7
Thor – 7
Source Code – 7
Drive Angry – 7
Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol – 7
Horrible Bosses – 6
Drive – 6
The Change-Up – 6
The Hangover Part II – 6
Red State – 6
Cowboys & Aliens – 6
Hobo with a Shotgun – 6
Larry Crowne – 6
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides – 6
Scream 4 – 6
The Adjustment Bureau – 6
Limitless – 6
The Roommate – 6
Red Riding Hood – 5
The Mechanic – 5
The Rite – 5
Unknown – 5
Margin Call – 4
Green Lantern – 4


Logan’s Best of 2011
1. Midnight in Paris
2. Super 8
3. Johnny English Reborn
4. Limitless
5. Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol

Logan’s Worst of 2011
1. Shark Night 3D
2. Mars Needs Moms
3. Beastly
4. Your Highness
5. The Adjustment Bureau

Logan’s Yearly Average – 4.91

Ryan’s Best of 2011
1. The Artist
2. The Muppets
3. Fright Night
4. Captain America: The First Avenger
5. Midnight in Paris

Ryan’s Worst of 2011
1. Green Lantern
2. Margin Call
3. The Rite
4. Unknown
5. Red Riding Hood

Ryan’s Yearly Average – 6.50


Feb 8 2012

Critical End! (The Podcast) #101: The Best and Worst of 2011

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We return for our first episode of the year and our fourth annual best/worst show. REVIEWED: The highlights and lowlights of 2011. PLUS: Vampire squabbling.

Download it.

 

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Feb 6 2012

Big Events? Yeah, We Got Those

I trust you all had a great weekend.  Ryan and I spent most of it cleaning out the ol’ “Critical End Podcast Theater” (or, as it’s officially called, “The Tim Burton’s Career Pre-Planet of the Apes Memorial Theater”) in order to get ready for the recording of our big “Best and Worst of 2011” show tonight.  Unfortunately, all the imaginary tickets to the event sold out months ago.  However, no worries as you’ll be able to download the full show soon enough.

Speaking of sold out events, we’re also proud to announce our annual “Critical End! Oscar Live Blog 2012!”  Granted, things may be a bit harder this year as the Oscars had to go and finally get a competent host, but seeing that this is our fourth year of doing this thing, I’m sure we’ve got lots of past zingers built up to please both young and old.

Expect to hear more news about both of these things in the upcoming days! 

Oscar host Billy Crystal (with CGI Jack Palance) on the set of "City Slickers 3: Throw Curly From the Train"

  


Jan 25 2011

Our Complete Movie Ratings for 2010

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Remember, kids, you can check our respective IMDb pages (Logan here and Ryan here) year round if you want to see what we gave a particular film. But here, for your reference, is each of our complete ratings for 2010.  And below that, our respective best and worst lists.

To hear us chat about this year in movies, make sure to catch our 2010 Wrap-Up podcast.

All ratings are on a 10 point scale.

LOGAN’S LIST

A Nightmare on Elm Street – 4

Alice in Wonderland – 4

Altitude – 2

American Grindhouse – 5

Babies – 7

Black Swan – 6

Centurion – 5

Clash of the Titans – 6

Devil – 3

Easy A – 5

Edge of Darkness – 7

Faster – 6

From Paris with Love – 5

Frozen – 6

Furry Vengeance – 3

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 – 5

Hot Tub Time Machine – 5

How to Train Your Dragon – 6

I’m Still Here – 4

Inception – 8

Iron Man 2 – 5

Jonah Hex – 4

Kick-Ass – 8

Knight and Day – 4

Legion – 4

My Soul to Take – 1

Paranormal Activity 2 – 4

Piranha – 5

Predators – 6

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time – 4

Repo Men – 5

Resident Evil: Afterlife – 7

Robin Hood – 6

Salt – 5

Saw 3D – 6

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World – 8

Shutter Island – 4

Skyline – 3

Tangled – 7

The American – 5

The A-Team – 5

The Book of Eli – 7

The Crazies – 6

The Expendables – 5

The Final – 1

The Last Exorcism – 7

The Last Song – 4

The Losers – 5

The Possession of David O’Reilly – 5

The Runaways – 5

The Social Network – 7

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice – 6

The Wolfman – 7

Toy Story 3 – 7

TRON: Legacy – 7

True Grit – 8

Valentine’s Day – 3

Vampires Suck – 3

When in Rome – 6

RYAN’S LIST

A Nightmare on Elm Street  – 4

Alice in Wonderland  – 5

Black Swan  – 7

Clash of the Titans  – 6

Cop Out  – 5

Date Night  – 6

Despicable Me  – 7

Devil (2010/I) – 4

Edge of Darkness  – 7

From Paris with Love  – 3

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1  – 8

Hot Tub Time Machine  – 6

Inception  – 7

Iron Man 2  – 7

Jonah Hex  – 5

Kick-Ass  – 7

Knight and Day  – 6

Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole  – 5

MacGruber  – 4

Marmaduke  – 3

My Soul to Take  – 2

Paranormal Activity 2  – 5

Piranha  – 7

Predators  – 6

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time  – 4

Repo Men  – 6

Resident Evil: Afterlife  – 6

Robin Hood  – 5

Salt  – 5

Saw 3D  – 5

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World  – 9

Shutter Island  – 8

Skyline  – 3

Tangled  – 7

The American  – 6

The A-Team  – 6

The Crazies  – 5

The Expendables  – 4

The Last Exorcism  – 6

The Losers  – 5

The Social Network  – 8

The Tourist  – 5

The Wolfman  – 5

Toy Story 3  – 8

TRON: Legacy  – 7

True Grit  – 7


Logan’s Best of 2010
1. Inception
2. True Grit
3. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
4. Kick-Ass
5. The Social Network

Logan’s Worst of 2010
1. My Soul to Take
2. Devil
3. Skyline
4. A Nightmare on Elm Street
5. Alice in Wonderland

Logan’s Yearly Average – 5.10

Ryan’s Best of 2010
1. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
2. Toy Story 3
3. The Social Network
4. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1
5. Shutter Island

Ryan’s Worst of 2010
1. My Soul to Take
2. From Paris with Love
3. Skyline
4. Marmaduke
5. Devil

Ryan’s Yearly Average – 5.70


Jan 24 2011

Critical End! (The Podcast) #79: The Best and Worst of 2010

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It’s our third annual best/worst show. Place your bets! REVIEWED: The highlights and lowlights of 2010. PLUS: Our first same-room recording since the beginning.

Download it.

 

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Apr 27 2010

WARNING! RED ALERT!

Hey kids, just wanted to remind you that this is an actual film, and it’s coming out in two months.  This should be more than enough time for you to start avoiding the theater.  Hell, I happened to pass by a theater with this poster outside on my way to work this morning and I now plan on taking the longer route just to avoid it.

PS: Is it just me or is Spade showing WAY too much leg in this picture?


Apr 5 2010

Battlefield Earth Screenwriter Tells All

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"Come, Forest! We're late for our codpiece-enlargening appointment!"

When I was in high school, I did a few movie review segments for the campus close-circuit TV show. My best work was when I skewered the John Travolta travesty Battlefield Earth, calling it out for one of the worst scripts in film history.

Well, head on over to /Film for the true story of the movie’s inception, told by the screenwriter himself.  According to J.D. Shapiro (who gave us Robin Hood: Men in Tights, so a little respect, please), he showed up at Scientology H.Q. because he heard it was a great place to meet chicks, and ended up in a meeting with Travolta by complete chance.  An entertaining read.

[via /Film]


Jan 8 2010

Our Complete Movie Ratings for 2009

by

Remember, kids, you can check our respective IMDb pages (Logan here and Ryan here) year round if you want to see what we gave a particular film. But here, for your reference, is each of our complete ratings for 2009.  And below that, our respective best and worst lists.

To hear us chat about this year in movies, make sure to catch our 2009 Wrap-Up podcast.

All ratings are on a 10 point scale.

LOGAN’S LIST

17 Again – 6

2012 – 5

A Perfect Getaway – 5

Adventureland – 6

Avatar – 4

Brothers – 3

Carriers – 6

Coraline – 8

Crank: High Voltage – 5

District 9 – 8

Drag Me to Hell – 8

Dragonball Evolution – 4

Extract – 4

Fired Up! – 5

Friday the 13th – 4

Gamer – 3

Grace – 4

Harry Potter and the Half – Blood Prince – 5

He’s Just Not That Into You – 3

I Love You, Beth Cooper – 5

I Love You, Man – 6

Inglourious Basterds – 5

Jennifer’s Body – 7

Knowing – 6

Moon – 5

My Bloody Valentine – 6

Night at the Museum: Battle of the

Smithsonian – 5

Orphan – 5

Pandorum – 5

Public Enemies – 5

Push – 5

Red Sands – 5

Saw VI – 6

Sherlock Holmes – 6

Sorority Row – 5

Star Trek – 6

Surrogates – 6

Terminator Salvation – 7

The Blind Side – 5

The Box – 3

The Final Destination – 4

The Haunting in Connecticut – 3

The International – 6

The Last House on the Left – 5

The Marc Pease Experience – 4

The Men Who Stare at Goats – 5

The Princess and the Frog – 6

The Proposal – 5

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 – 5

The Thaw – 5

The Unborn – 3

The Uninvited – 4

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – 4

Up – 7

Watchmen – 5

Whatever Works – 5

Whiteout – 5

X – Men Origins: Wolverine – 5

Year One – 2

Zombieland – 5

RYAN’S LIST

(500) Days of Summer – 8

2012 – 5

Adventureland – 6

Avatar – 5

Brothers – 5

Coraline – 6

Crank: High Voltage – 6

District 9 – 6

Drag Me to Hell – 8

Dragonball Evolution – 5

Friday the 13th – 5

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra – 5

Gamer – 4

Harry Potter and the Half – Blood Prince – 6

He’s Just Not That Into You – 4

I Love You, Man – 6

Inglourious Basterds – 7

Jennifer’s Body – 7

Julie & Julia – 7

Knowing – 3

Moon – 7

My Bloody Valentine – 6

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian – 6

Nine – 7

Orphan – 7

Public Enemies – 4

Saw VI – 6

Sherlock Holmes – 8

Star Trek – 7

Surrogates – 5

Terminator Salvation – 7

The Box – 6

The Brothers Bloom – 7

The Final Destination – 5

The Informant! – 8

The Last House on the Left – 7

The Men Who Stare at Goats – 5

The Pink Panther 2 – 4

The Princess and the Frog – 6

The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3 – 4

The Unborn – 2

The Uninvited – 7

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – 5

Up – 9

Up in the Air – 6

Watchmen – 5

Whiteout – 3

X – Men Origins: Wolverine – 5

Year One – 5

Zombieland – 9


Logan’s Best of 2009
1. District 9
2. Drag Me to Hell
3. Coraline
4. Jennifer’s Body
5. Terminator Salvation

Logan’s Worst of 2009
1. Year One
2. Brothers
3. The Box
4. He’s Just Not That Into You
5. The Unborn

Logan’s Yearly Average – 4.92

Ryan’s Best of 2009
1. Up
2. Zombieland
3. Drag Me to Hell
4. The Informant
5. Sherlock Holmes

Ryan’s Worst of 2009
1. The Unborn
2. Whiteout
3. Knowing
4. He’s Just Not That Into You
5. Public Enemies

Ryan’s Yearly Average – 5.84


Jan 6 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #40: The Best and Worst of 2009

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Can you believe we’ve been doing this for a whole year?  Seems like only yesterday you were disagreeing with our 2008 wrap-up.  REVIEWED: The highlights and lowlights of 2009.

Download it.

 

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Dec 7 2009

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2

It’s once again that time of year when families gather around the warm glow of the television and watch such holiday classics as It’s a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Story, Home Alone, and National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation to name a few.  Sure, your pals here at Critical End! watch those too, but when the hour grows late, the fire has died down, and the kids from Ryan’s third marriage have all gone to bed, that’s when the real Christmas fun begins.  Logan mixes his “special” eggnog (Ingredients: Eggnog, mostly booze), while Ryan warms up the DVD player for those holiday slasher films known as Silent Night, Deadly Night.  This year, in honor of the birth of Christ our savior (Okay, and the release of Parts 3 to 5 on DVD), we thought we’d let Logan share his opinion on each film in a special 5 part series each week until Christmas. 

2posterThis week Logan looks at Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2.

Body Count: 24 (But to be fair, 12 of those are from clips of the first movie)

Best Death Scene: One poor soul is killed simply because it’s garbage day and he’s disposing some trash.  Fellas, let this be a lesson next time the wife/girlfriend wants you to take the garbage out.

Oh, where to start?  I guess I need to get the most important thing about this movie out of the way first: Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is my favorite bad movie of all time.  Yes, some people may tell you that you could never get worse than, say, Troll 2, or to a more recent extent, The Room, but for my money, this film has them all beat.  And do you want to know the weirdest part about the whole thing?  More than one third of Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is made up of, yeah, you guessed it, clips of Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 1 MINUS most of the gore and nudity.

Following the video success of the first film, producers begin to search for a way to extend its shelf life a bit.  Due mostly to the fact that nobody in Hollywood likes to use their brain (See any Adam Sandler film for further analysis), they collectively decided that the best thing to do would be to hire an editor to re-cut the film, adding two more scenes that would, get this, feature a mental patient telling the story which would have  made the original film appear to be nothing more than the ravings of a lunatic.  Hollywood, this is why you have no friends.

2poseLucky for us, Director/Editor Lee Harry (and yes, that is his actual screen credit in the movie), and a team of six writers decided that the movie needed a bit more.  Now, when I say a bit more what I really mean is about 30 minutes of new material.  The rest, as I mentioned above, is nothing but clips from the first movie edited for content.  Wow, it took six writers to come up with that?  Maybe this film was some sort of tax write off…whatever the case, the movie comes across like the equivalent of listening to your drunk Uncle Steve attempt to explain the first film.  It’s now several years later and Billy’s little brother, Ricky, is all grown up and in the nut house.  How he got there is the only real mystery in the movie (Spoiler: He killed lots of people), and is revealed mostly through what I have dubbed “eyebrow acting” and in flashbacks that bring the grand total of Ricky actors to a staggering EIGHT people.  My God, that’s a lot of eyebrow acting.  At one point the film really jumps the rails (and Ricky’s eyebrows threaten to jump off his face), when he decides that he needs to flashback to his first date.  The movie then becomes a love story about a killer Santa for a few minutes.  The best part?  They go to see Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 1 on their first date.  Just when we thought the film had finally stopped showing clips from the first movie, the filmmakers decided that what we really wanted to see was people watching the first film.  God, I love this movie.

Oh, there’s more, but just take my word for it: Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 is NOT to be missed.  If you’re a lover of bad films, then this will be like the holy grail for you.  I can’t end this review without mentioning the fact that this film features one of my all time favorite lines and scenes from any movie ever.  The clip from this scene is all over YouTube, but it’s worthless unless you actually made it through the rest of the film.  I guess what I’m saying is that you have to work for it…and believe me: It’s worth every second.  Happy Garbage Day, folks!

Rating: ★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
3 out of 10

In three days: Ricky returns for some more yuletide slayings, but due to the head injury he received in the last film, he now wears his brain in a glass dome.  GENIUS.

 


Dec 6 2009

…and Luke Wilson as the White Guy

Remember Death at a Funeral, that Frank Oz sleeper comedy from two years ago?  While I didn’t think it was an amazing film, I did enjoy it as a fun British farce, which is really all it set out to be.  Well, less than two years later somebody in Hollywood thought, “You know what?  I think we should remake that funny little British film…but with black people.”

Needless to say, this REALLYpisses me off.  Not only is the original film close to still being on the “New Release” wall at Blockbuster, but was there something in it that really screamed “Martin Lawrence, Chris Rock, and Tracy Morgan vehicle!”?

I’ve decided to put the trailer on here, but let me just save you the trouble of watching it:  It’s literally, and I really, really, REALLY want to stress literally, exact scenes from the original film but with Asian jokes, “Daaaaaaaammmnn”‘s, and Tracy Morgan.

 

Hollywood, I officially hate you.


May 23 2009

Critical End! (The Podcast) #13: Remachination

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It’s back to basics with an old school list show. Five best and five worst remakes. PLUS: The usual blather.

Download it.

 

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Jan 1 2009

Critical End! (The Podcast) Episode 1

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What’s that on the horizon? Why it’s Critical End! (The Podcast), the wise-cracking sidekick to Critical End! (The Blog). In this, our inaugural show, Logan and Ryan discuss the best and worst movies of 2008.

CORRECTION: Jerry Zucker directed Ghost. Not David.

Download it.

 

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