Welcome back, kids! Long time, no see. Did you enjoy our 2010 wrap-up show? I know we sure did!* Anyway, a lot has happened since we last spoke. Anne Hathaway was cast as Catwoman**, Tom Hardy was cast as Bane***, and it appears that Regis Philbin will be retiring soon****.
However, what the net is most abuzz about are the 2010 Oscar nominations. There really aren’t many surprises this year. I’m glad to see that Christian Bale finally got nominated. I really hope he’ll win so we can watch him accept the Oscar as Batman or John Connor or whoever the hell he thinks he is that week. Meanwhile, I may be the only person in the world who is happy to see that The Wolfman got nominated for Rick Baker’s makeup.
The full list of nominations can be found here. Now is the time to start preparing for the big night by watching the last few minutes of TheNaked Gun 33 1/3.
***Who and who?
****There is nothing funny about this. The man is a legend.
I tell ya, this Spider-Man musical, huh? Am I right? The shakily-reviewed, fan-maligned, still unreleased Broadway debut of your friendly neighborhood wall-crawler has been delayed once again. So what’s the deal this time? More horrifying wrist injuries? No, apparently, one of the main issues is that preview audiences have had a tough time following what the hell is going on.
/Film says that producers “have decided that the second act, which is where the show strays from the classic Spider-Man mythology, is unclear and needs to be tinkered with.” So, first, great job fucking up the story of one of the most recognizable characters in popular fiction to such a degree that it’s not only disappointing, but flat out incomprehensible.
Second, if the whole point of a musical is to tell a story through music, I’m going to guess that the droning, generic contributions of Bono and THE EDGETM probably aren’t cutting it. Not a surprise, based on what we’ve already seen. C’mon, that could be a song about literally anything. What does it tell us about Spider-Man?
Luckily, Batman swoops in to the save the day. Not that probably-also-shitty Batman musical they’re cooking up. I’m talking about Christian Bale himself. Check out this interview where he actually starts to sing a song from Newsies. Sure, he stops after only two words, but it still made my day. Plus he transitions in the Powerpuff Girls theme for some reason, which is amazing in its own right. Any father who exposes his daughter to an excellent cartoon that’s been off the air for six years is a great dad in my book.
Our ol’ pal Christian Bale got to participate and I was thrilled to see that he wasn’t wearing a Hugo Boss batsuit, but instead holding an axe and contemplating a table full of business cards. Nicely done, Empire. But for your 50th birthday: Newsies Reunion!
This week, Michael Mann proves to film students everywhere that he’s one of them by making a long, rambling, plotless crime drama on DV. Except his stars Johnny Depp. REVIEWED: Public Enemies. PLUS: Newsies!
Bret Easton Ellis. Don't worry. He's never heard of you either.
NOTE: This article is slightly inaccurate, specifically the news that The Informers is going straight to DVD. The film will actually be in theaters April 24, 2009. More information can now be found here.
Is it wrong of me to think that Bret Easton Ellis’ American Psycho is one of the funniest novels ever written? Wait. You know what? I’ll even take that a step further: American Psycho is the funniest AND most important novel of the nineties. That’s right, I said it. So why is it that most people still have no clue who Bret Easton Ellis is? Maybe it’s because nobody quite understands him, myself included.
And nobody misunderstands him more than Hollywood. Granted, the film versions of American Psycho and The Rules of Attraction have both been beyond excellent*, but we can’t forget about the Ellis disowned double feature of Less Than Zero and (sigh) American Psycho 2: All American Girl. Like many of the best authors, his work has been called unfilmable, but hey…that’s never stopped Hollywood before.
Christian Bale in a scene you didn't see in Newsies.
Enter The Informers. Based on the 1994 book of linked short stories by the same name, The Informers has always been my least favorite of Ellis’ novels. It’s still worthy of a fine 7 out of 10, and I could spend all day telling you why, but this isn’t a book review site, so let’s just cut to the chase. No other Ellis novel screams “movie adaptation” more than The Informers. The stories are short, easy to understand (kinda), and feature some of his best satire of none other than the city of Los Angles itself. I’m kind of surprised Hollywood didn’t make this movie three years ago.
Except they did. See, The Informers has been sitting on the shelf for over three years and I can’t quite explain why. With a cast that features Kim Basinger, Billy Bob Thornton, Winona Ryder, Chris Isaak, and the now bankable again Mickey Rourke, it should have been a sure thing. Maybe it’s the fact that the novel also features club hopping vampires and gay aliens that scared the studios away.
Whatever the reason, it was announced last week that The Informers is now going straight to DVD, which must be both pleasing and insulting to Bret Easton Ellis. Despite all the drama, I have to admit that I can’t wait. Check out the trailer for yourself below and let me know what you think. In the meantime, if you read this far than you now know who Bret Easton Ellis is. That makes me happy.
(Note: This trailer is HIGHLY uncensored, so you might want to remove any children or small pets from the room now)
*As crazy as this may make me sound, American Psycho is one of three films in my top ten favorites that has the word “psycho” in the title. It is joined by Hitchcock’s Psycho and Charles Busch’s hilarious Psycho Becah Party. Needless to say, I’m a hit at parties.
Moments before calling Crutchy a "no talented gimp" and Ann-Margret "Madam Fishface"
In case you haven’t read the news yet, Christian Bale is officially crazy nuts. Yes, you read that right. It seems that a tape has leaked out of him yelling at basically everybody in his ten foot radius on the set of Terminator: Salvation.
Being Hollywood insiders, Ryan and I have heard the audio in question. It was not pretty. We both cried. (Actually, I laughed at first because I thought it was one of those prank phone call tapes. Those Jerky Boys get me every time.) So, why did it hurt so much?
BECAUSE OUR YOUTH JUST DIED.
Ever since we were little we’ve both lived our dreams through Christian Bale. I remember Ryan going on and on about how he wanted to be a street danicin’ trash talkin’ paper boy who longed for Santa Fe like Bale in Newsies. And me? I wanted to make love to Ewan McGregor. You know…..like in Velvet Goldmine……..seriously, it’s in the movie, folks.
Listen, my point is this: There is no excuse for any actor to EVER act like this…unless you have a funny British accent…or the movie you’re in is the fourth in a franchise that should have ended at the second film…or you’re Christian Bale. He can do whatever he wants with Ewan McGregor as far as I’m concerned.