Critical End!

Perfect.

Happy April Fool’s Day, kids!  To celebrate, here are some stories that should be jokes, but (as far as I know) are 100% true:

Arnold Schwarzenegger is teaming up with obviously bored comics giant Stan Lee to produce The Governator, a comic book/animated series starring Arnold as himself. Except in this version he quits politics to become a super strong action spy crimefighter, unlike the real world where he quit politics to do an embarrassingly self-aggrandizing comic book/animated series. Now, this news COULD be a joke perpetrated by Entertainment Weekly, but so many sites have reported it as true, that I decided to jump on the bandwagon. Mostly so I could post another clip of Stan Lee’s last infamous collaboration with a celebrity:

In other famous person team-up news, here’s a story that’s been kicking around for awhile, but has seen a recent resurgence: Stephen King and John (Sexy Cougar) Mellencamp are working on a musical called Ghost Brothers of Darkland County. Have we learned NOTHING from Spider-Man, people? If you’re doing a musical, get someone who writes musicals, not a washed up rock star. Although, I have to admit I’d love to see Ringo Starr do a modern stage adaptation of the Paul Bunyan story. I think it might go a little something like this:

Finally, James Cameron has revealed his next big innovation in filmmaking: using more film. Cameron’s convinced that shooting film at higher frame rates will blow audiences away. Sure, more frames per second adds up to a clearer picture and smoother movement (see modern videogames which almost all average more than cinema’s 24fps), but I still find it funny that the guy who taught us that action films could have decent scripts (Terminator, Aliens) has completely abandoned story in favor of visuals. “MORE PICTURES! DELIVERED FASTER TO YOUR BRAIN! WHAT DO YOU MEAN AVATAR WAS DERIVATIVE? IT WAS SO PRETTY!”

Have a good weekend!

I tell ya, this Spider-Man musical, huh? Am I right? The shakily-reviewed, fan-maligned, still unreleased Broadway debut of your friendly neighborhood wall-crawler has been delayed once again.  So what’s the deal this time?  More horrifying wrist injuries?  No, apparently, one of the main issues is that preview audiences have had a tough time following what the hell is going on.

/Film says that producers “have decided that the second act, which is where the show strays from the classic Spider-Man mythology, is unclear and needs to be tinkered with.”  So, first, great job fucking up the story of one of the most recognizable characters in popular fiction to such a degree that it’s not only disappointing, but flat out incomprehensible.

Second, if the whole point of a musical is to tell a story through music, I’m going to guess that the droning, generic contributions of Bono and THE EDGE^TM probably aren’t cutting it. Not a surprise, based on what we’ve already seen. C’mon, that could be a song about literally anything. What does it tell us about Spider-Man?

Luckily, Batman swoops in to the save the day. Not that probably-also-shitty Batman musical they’re cooking up. I’m talking about Christian Bale himself. Check out this interview where he actually starts to sing a song from Newsies. Sure, he stops after only two words, but it still made my day. Plus he transitions in the Powerpuff Girls theme for some reason, which is amazing in its own right. Any father who exposes his daughter to an excellent cartoon that’s been off the air for six years is a great dad in my book.

[Clip via Badass Digest]

The one where we DON’T complain about the 3D. REVIEWED: Tangled. PLUS: The only podcast with a “C Moon” joke.

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