Much like Tim Burton making Alice in Wonderland, the thought of Ridley Scott making Robin Hood bores the hell out of me. And to top it all off, casting Russell Crowe (remember him?) as the title character pretty much guarantees that you’ll fall asleep during the first reel. In fact, this may be the first trailer that I’ve watched for an unreleased film and thought, “Haven’t I seen this movie already?”
Check it out for yourself and feel free to start placing bets on how many Oscars it will win in our comment section.
You may recall me teasing Hot Tub Time Machine back in August in yet another Chevy Chase realted post. Granted, the teaser didn’t have him in it, but the thought of Chevy in an R-rated film was kind of excting. Now that the full trailer is out (with Chevy in it), I have to admit that the film does look like a lot of fun. Heck, we even get to see John Cusack on a ski slope in the ’80’s! Surely they’ll throw a Better Off Dead joke in there some place…
Did you know that they’re making trailers for books now? See for yourself:
I admit that this look great. Pretty good effects for a book! I can’t wait to see it…or read it…or whatever it is they want me to do. I just hope that they didn’t ruin all of the best parts in the trailer.
What’s all this then? Well, it’s our first video feature. A Critical Quip, if you will. In it, Logan and I have our way with the trailer for Solomon Kane. Wanna see more stuff like this? Let us know in the comments.
You know what? It’s time to take back comedy, damn it. No longer will we allow Hollywood to force feed us whatever mediocre new film Judd Apatow is producing! No longer will we listen to any Radiohead listening, PBR sucking hipster explain the brilliance of Bill Murray! It’s time to take a stand! You hear me people?! Who’s with me? LET’S GO!
Hello?
Well, if there’s anybody still reading, that time has come. And by “that time” I mean the return of one Mr. Cornelius Crane Chase. A second coming has been predicted for some time now (your pals here at Critical End! are still trying to figure out why Vegas Vacation didn’t work like it was supposed to), and it looks like it’s going to come from both your TV and local cinema. Take that, Murray!
First off, if you haven’t heard of Community yet, you obviously haven’t been hanging out with me for the past six months. Check out this NBC promo for the scoop. It’s packed with lots of Chevy goodness!
That’s a start in the right direction! But I know you…now you’re thinking, “Gee, Logan, that’s swell and all, but where’s the R-rated Chevy that I’ve heard tale of? Also, you’re ever so handsome.” Whoa. Settle down there, ladies. For those of you who want to see Chevy return to his R-rated roots, check out this teaser for Hot Tub Time Machine!
Granted, Chevy is no where to be seen in this teaser, but do you really want to turn down the chance to see John Cusack and Chevy in the same movie? I think not!
2. If you’re going to reference the fact that this is the fourth movie in a series that started ten years ago, why not just call it em>Final Destination 4? My guess? They lost count.
3. “Death saved the best…..FOR 3D!” may be one of the best tag lines ever.
4. NASCAR?! I mean…really? I guess after the roller coaster opening of the third film (meaning that there actually WAS a roller coaster. It wasn’t that exciting), the series had no where else to go except to the thrilling world of NASCAR.
5. NASCAR again. Not to keep driving this point home (pun intended. Zing!), but isn’t this pretty much the same opening as Final Destination 2? You know, the one with all of the cars on the interstate? I think it is. In fact, it looks to me like they just took that opening and CG’d some NASCAR logos in. LAME.
It’s attached to Up, as everyone expected, and it’s looking good, as everyone also expected. No word on who’s doing Slinky Dog now that Jim Varney’s no longer with us. Maybe he’ll be mute like Rowlf was for years after Jim Henson died.
But the biggest question mark for me is the plot. Apparently it’s something about the toys being sent to a daycare when Andy goes to college. So they’ve done “Woody feels unloved” and “Buzz feels unloved” and now they’re just doing “Everybody feels unloved?” Eh, it’s Pixar. It’ll still be awesome.
It’s no secret that Eli Roth is my favorite horror director of recent years (cue hate mail), so I was both extremely happy and extremely all like “Huh?” when I read this story over at MTV movies. I know you don’t have time to read it, what with your busy online schedule of keeping up with everything that your ex is doing on Facebook (that slut).
I’ll hit the three highlights:
1. The “Huh?” news? Roth is trying to get his first big honkin’ budget movie made. So, what’s it about? I’ll let him take it from here:
“I don’t want to give away the title yet, because I have to make sure I own it 100%, but it’s going to be something that is really fun with lots of mass destruction. I wanted to do something along the lines of Transformers or Cloverfield that was a little more science fiction-based, and with lots of chaos and mass destruction. I don’t want to say what [the monster is] yet. Once it gets set up, I will let everyone know. It is not aliens or robots or a virus – it’s a little more grounded. But when people hear it they are going to be like That is going to be insane!”
Okay, Roth, I’m intrigued. I can only hope that it’s better than, well, Transformers or Cloverfield.
2. Okay, so this isn’t really a highlight so much as a comment: When did MTV start scoring all the good movie scoops? This is the third time that your pals at Critical End! have linked to their site and I’m kinda getting tired of it. Each time I feel like I lose a bit more of my soul. Where was I? Oh, yes…
3. The extremely exciting news: It also would appear that Roth is finally getting around to making Thanksgiving! Roth again:
“The plan is this: I want to do a huge budget movie, but tack on three weeks to the end of it and shoot Thanksgiving. I want to do an $80 million dollar movie, and then schedule three weeks at the end to quickly shoot a $5 million dollar movie.”
What’s all this hooplah? Some of you may recall Roth’s way way way over the top faux trailer to Thanksgiving in the mediocre Grindhouse. If so, you may realize why I’m so excited. In little under three minutes, Roth managed to parody and pay tribute to the slasher genre in such a way that I wanted to stand up and cheer after it was over…but then Tarantino’s Death Proof came on and I fell asleep.
Anyway, in case you missed it, check out the awesomeness below. That is all.
Rodriguez with that guy from "Lord of the Rings" Wait, Frank Miller? I mean, Frank Miller. Sorry.
Remember when Robert Rodriguez once made awesome movies that involved things like gigantic explosions, casual nudity, guitar cases with guns inside, and Quentin Tarantino’s weiner melting off? Awesome, right? Okay, now remember when you paid all that money to see three, count ’em, THREE retarded Spy Kids movies? I mean, they just kept getting worse, didn’t they?
Well, it would seem that three Spy Kids films weren’t enough to satisfy Rodriguez’s need to entertain nobody but his kids. Case in point: The trailer for his newest film, Shorts. I’m starting to think that his trademark cowboy hat may be on a little too tight…that or he’s trying to cover male pattern baldness. You never know.
It’s been nearly a decade since The Gift, the last film Sam Raimi directed that could be called a horror movie, and I didn’t realize how much I missed him until I saw the trailer for Drag Me to Hell.
He’s obviously been jonesing to return to the over-the-top spooky stuff that started his career. See the Doc Ock surgery scene in Spider-Man 2 or the news of his involvement in the almost certainly ill-advised Evil Dead remake. But Drag Me to Hell promises to be a true return to form.
Pretty girl, gypsy curse, lots of white contact lenses. And none of these wimpy ghosts who want you to be their mom, or solve their murders, or feel guilty about the holocaust. No. There is a demon. And he will drag you. To hell.
Still not convinced?
Oh yes, kids. Justin Long is ready to make you forget about the second half of Jeepers Creepers. MTV was right to snap up that exclusive. Take a look:
Pointless side note: Hey, Universal, I’d have used your official trailer embed widget but it’s incredibly tiny and autoplays with sound. Seriously?
