FireStats error processing pending hits: Database error: You have an error in your SQL syntax; check the manual that corresponds to your MariaDB server version for the right syntax to use near '"' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff00000000 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION S...' at line 1

MySQL Version: 10.6.21-MariaDB-cll-lve
SQL Query:
SELECT '155.2.194.8' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff9b02c208 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.43' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c22b AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT ''' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff00000000 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '"' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff00000000 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.48' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c230 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.49' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c231 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.44' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c22c AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.45' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c22d AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.244' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c2f4 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '154.54.249.197' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff9a36f9c5 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.42' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c22a AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.50' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c232 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.46' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c22e AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.51' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c233 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.47' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c22f AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.195' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060c3 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '42.200.230.171' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff2ac8e6ab AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '114.119.130.199' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff727782c7 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '185.191.171.19' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffb9bfab13 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '66.249.79.196' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff42f94fc4 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '66.249.79.197' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff42f94fc5 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '114.119.133.14' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff7277850e AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '52.167.144.169' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff34a790a9 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '114.119.134.152' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff72778698 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '66.249.79.202' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff42f94fca AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '114.119.146.70' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff72779246 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '114.119.131.245' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff727783f5 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '114.119.158.50' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff72779e32 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '57.141.2.9' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff398d0209 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '193.70.44.235' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffc1462ceb AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.212' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060d4 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '195.191.219.131' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffc3bfdb83 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.209' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060d1 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '17.241.227.78' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff11f1e34e AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '185.191.171.16' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffb9bfab10 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '57.141.2.23' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff398d0217 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '17.241.227.173' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff11f1e3ad AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '185.191.171.1' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffb9bfab01 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '95.215.145.128' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff5fd79180 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.193' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060c1 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '157.55.39.201' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff9d3727c9 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.199' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060c7 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.194' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060c2 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '185.191.171.4' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffb9bfab04 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '52.167.144.187' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff34a790bb AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.202' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060ca AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.196' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060c4 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '185.191.171.8' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffb9bfab08 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '192.95.29.138' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffc05f1d8a AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '114.119.145.193' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff727791c1 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '223.109.252.160' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffdf6dfca0 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '5.183.130.161' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff05b782a1 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '185.191.171.17' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffb9bfab11 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '66.249.79.195' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff42f94fc3 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '207.46.13.111' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffcf2e0d6f AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '57.141.2.28' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff398d021c AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.205' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060cd AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '180.102.110.139' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffb4666e8b AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.204' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060cc AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '52.167.144.179' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff34a790b3 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '114.119.135.229' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff727787e5 AS UNSIGNED) ip1

Nursery Crimes II: This Little Piggy Went to Hell

by

Sandler on the set of his comedic remake of "Taxi Driver". Suri Cruise is playing the Jodie Foster part.

Remember last year when we heard that Adam Sandler would play both Jack and Jill in a romantic comedy of the same name?    That’s still a thing.  I’ve learned from I Watch Stuff that Katie Holmes is being groomed for the role of Jack’s wife, which at least means we can all thank God that Sandler will not be shamelessly wooing himself on film.

But the real tragedy here is that while Jack and Jill is an actual multi-million dollar film, my pitch for the Dane Cook vehicle Old Mother Hubbard (Dane Cook must disguise himself as his own grandmother while still trying to score with the chick from Twilight) is still languishing in development hell!  By which I mean Peter Segal hasn’t called me back yet.  So I’ve decided that every time I read another stupid piece of news about Jack and Jill, I’ll churn out another “Nursery Rhyme Title as Raunchy Romantic Comedy” premise.  Eventually, Hollywood’s sure to snap one up.  Here’s my latest:

Peter Peter
Jonah Hill stars as college senior Peter Peter.  He’s about to graduate and he still hasn’t got up the nerve to ask out the hottest girl on campus (played by whoever almost wins this season of The Bachelor).  His love life isn’t helped by his terrible allergy to pumpkin, which–instead of giving him a rash or killing him–causes him to launch involuntarily into a series of hilarious, and often racist, character voices.  When the hotty dares him to eat 100 pumpkin pies before graduation, with a night of passion as the prize, Peter’s got no choice but to grab the Cool Whip and hope his uncontrollable alter egos don’t get him into too much trouble!

Done.  Money in the bank.


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