Meanwhile, Back in Hollywood…
Gentlemen, thank you for seeing me today. I know that for most of you, this time in the afternoon is usually reserved for brief, albeit intimate, encounters with your mistresses in some seedy little motel on Vine. I can see that you’re all busy Hollywood producers, and time is money, so I won’t beat around the bush, which, as I’ve said, is what I’m sure many of you would rather be doing right now.
I’ve come to you today to ask for financing for a film I think you guys are really going to go for. Now, as I’m sure you’re aware, the horror market is constantly rating high with the kids. What I’m proposing is a return to the holiday themed horror film. I know what you’re thinking. Eli Roth is over at Miramax right now developing Thanksgiving and that last Halloween film Mr. Zombie made didn’t perform so well, but let’s not kid ourselves. Nobody cares about those holidays anymore. They’re yesterday’s news. We need a new holiday, right? And here’s my pitch: A Cinco de Mayo killer.
America’s Hispanic population is practically exploding and research has shown that most Hispanics have heard of movies. Gentlemen, we’re talking about an untapped market here! Now then, nobody on my staff seemed to know what Cinco de Mayo is really about, but we did discover that people like to drink. So I’m thinking we open on a bunch of horny kids drinking, then some guy kills them all. I don’t really have a title yet, but perhaps something along the lines of Sicko de Mayo might do the trick.
Well, let me just wrap things up by saying how much I’m looking forward to working with each and every one of you. Thank you very much for your time. And now, I’d like to conclude by giving all of you the traditional Hollywood handshake, or as it’s better known, a blow job.