M Night Shyamalan would “literally” kill himself if he realized how crappy his movies are


/Film posted this clip of M Night Shyamalan at a foreign press event for The Last Airbender.  The reporter essentially points out that everybody liked The Sixth Sense but the rest of his stuff has been crap, and Airbender sure looks like a desperate attempt to regain some commercial success.

Shyamalan counters by saying that if he thought that way he’d kill himself which results in an unsuccessful attempt from his non sequitur cabana boy sidekick to start a round of applause.  Seriously, who the hell is that guy?  [UPDATE: My apologies, it’s one of the actresses from the movie.]  The director goes on to say, essentially, that his films have only been getting better, and it’s comments like this one that make him want to go off and be a painter instead.

At first, I thought that was a great idea.  Mediocrity often goes completely unnoticed in the art world!  But I changed my mind after considering how Shyamalan might screw up some of our most beloved works of art…

The Girl With a Pearl Earing – Jan Vermeer

Shyamalan Twist: The very earing that makes the girl so desirable to the local boys is actually a disgusting tumor that she meticulously coats with mercury-based paint every day to hide her grotesque and debilitating illness.

The Last Supper – Leonardo Da Vinci

Shyamalan Twist: Ever wonder why all of the apostles look so confused and concerned?  It’s because they’re all like “Wait a minute…THAT’S NOT JESUS!”  And they’re right!  It’s Jesus’s evil twin Gunther.  He totally tricked everybody into eating his flesh and drinking his blood as a joke.

The Scream – Edvard Munch

Shyamalan Twist: Most people accept this painting at face value: a man screaming.  But take a closer, Shyamalany look.  Stop seeing what is there, and start seeing what isn’t.  That’s right.  IT WAS A PLANET WITH NO BICYCLES THE WHOLE TIME!

Sunflowers – Vincent Van Gogh

Shyamalan Twist: Actually a painting of a MIRROR that’s reflecting a vase of sunflowers!!!  Also the sunflowers are coming to kill you.

Mona Lisa – Leonardo Da Vinci

Shyamalan Twist: A dude.

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