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MySQL Version: 10.6.21-MariaDB-cll-lve
SQL Query:
SELECT '155.2.194.8' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff9b02c208 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.43' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c22b AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT ''' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff00000000 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '"' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff00000000 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.48' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c230 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.49' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c231 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.44' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c22c AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.45' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c22d AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.244' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c2f4 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '154.54.249.197' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff9a36f9c5 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.42' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c22a AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.50' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c232 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.46' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c22e AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.51' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c233 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '217.113.194.47' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffd971c22f AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.195' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060c3 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '42.200.230.171' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff2ac8e6ab AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '114.119.130.199' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff727782c7 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '185.191.171.19' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffb9bfab13 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '66.249.79.196' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff42f94fc4 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '66.249.79.197' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff42f94fc5 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '114.119.133.14' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff7277850e AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '52.167.144.169' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff34a790a9 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '114.119.134.152' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff72778698 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '66.249.79.202' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff42f94fca AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '114.119.146.70' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff72779246 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '114.119.131.245' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff727783f5 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '114.119.158.50' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff72779e32 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '57.141.2.9' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff398d0209 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '193.70.44.235' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffc1462ceb AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.212' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060d4 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '195.191.219.131' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffc3bfdb83 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.209' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060d1 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '17.241.227.78' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff11f1e34e AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '185.191.171.16' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffb9bfab10 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '57.141.2.23' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff398d0217 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '17.241.227.173' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff11f1e3ad AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '185.191.171.1' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffb9bfab01 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '95.215.145.128' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff5fd79180 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.193' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060c1 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '157.55.39.201' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff9d3727c9 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.199' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060c7 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.194' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060c2 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '185.191.171.4' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffb9bfab04 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '52.167.144.187' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff34a790bb AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.202' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060ca AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.196' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060c4 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '185.191.171.8' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffb9bfab08 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '192.95.29.138' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffc05f1d8a AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '114.119.145.193' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff727791c1 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '223.109.252.160' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffdf6dfca0 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '5.183.130.161' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff05b782a1 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '185.191.171.17' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffb9bfab11 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '66.249.79.195' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff42f94fc3 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '207.46.13.111' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffcf2e0d6f AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '57.141.2.28' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff398d021c AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.205' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060cd AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '180.102.110.139' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffffb4666e8b AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '85.208.96.204' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff55d060cc AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '52.167.144.179' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff34a790b3 AS UNSIGNED) ip1 UNION SELECT '114.119.135.229' ip,CAST(0x0 AS UNSIGNED) ip0, CAST(0xffff727787e5 AS UNSIGNED) ip1
May 16 2013

We should all watch this.

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[[Well, NBC removed this video, so forget it.]]


Feb 1 2012

The Family Guy Maneuver

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Let’s take a look at that new super bowl ad with Matthew Broderick:

Now at first glance, this appears to be a parody of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. But it isn’t. A real parody takes something you recognize and puts a comedic twist on it. Okay yes, traditionally the purpose is to mock the original work which isn’t exactly happening here, and technically maybe this is more a pastiche or whatever. But my point is this is supposed to be funny. You’re supposed to laugh when you see present day Matthew Broderick doing a parody (or whatever) of his role in Ferris Bueller. Only there aren’t any jokes in this.

It’s not bad. It’s a reasonably competent commercial. But every potentially funny moment is just a carbon copy of a moment in Ferris Bueller. The sick day call, the parade, the stuff with the car, all straight up lifted–and this is the important part–WITHOUT any new twist. They could have shown Broderick failing at all his wacky antics, playing on the fact that he’s not a kid anymore but his fancy Honda makes him feel like one anyway. In that scenario, you’re taking something familiar and changing it a little to get your joke. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the original pitch. Instead we get exact scenes from the original movie, and you’re expected to laugh just because you remember it.

I like to call this the Family Guy Maneuver because that show does it all the time. Let’s check out an example in high quality taped-off-TV-o-vision…

So yeah it’s an exact recreation of the Power of Love part of Back to the Future…and nothing else. This is basically the same as the drunk guy in the bar trying to reenact the standup routine he saw last week. Listen, I love parodies. But before you laugh, please double check your parody contains jokes.


Aug 15 2011

The REAL Change-Up

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Happy Monday, folks.


Jun 24 2011

Panthro on Jimmy Fallon

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Happy Friday from loyal reader, Todd:


Jun 6 2011

George Lucas Strikes Back

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I’m not much of a Star Wars fan, but I’ll join the cool kids and tell you that the prequels sucked. I used to blame George Lucas’s increase in creative control and decreased collaboration with more talented filmmakers. Until I learned the truth…


Jun 1 2011

40 Inspirational Speeches in 2 Minutes

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I probably should have posted this on Memorial Day, but if you’re feeling that mid-week slump and need a little inspiration, try this video on for size.


May 25 2011

Don’t Toy With My Emotions, Arnold Schwarzenegger!

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The hijinks of Danny DeVito can't save you now, Arnold.

Damn you, Arnold! I was all excited about your return to film and then you go and retroactively have had an affair, complete with love child. Now the Daily Beast reports that you’re putting your career on hold and that that wonderfully goofy Governator cartoon has been scrapped.  I waited for however-many long years you were in office to get another taste of your unique brand of goofy machismo and just when the prize is in sight you decide it’s time to focus on your multiple families.

Look, obviously the Schwarzeneggers are going through a tough time, and I hope they work it out and get through this.  But in the meantime, wouldn’t it be healthy for Arnold to lose himself in his work a little?  And by his work I mean movies where he’s a violent robot, alien hunter, or undercover spy.

Until then, we’ll have to look elsewhere for over-the-top performances and badly written dialog.  Like, say…video games!


May 23 2011

The New Muppets Trailer

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…is sadly not online yet. [UPDATE: Yes it is! See below.] But I saw it before Pirates this weekend and I can confirm that it’s got just the tone I was looking for. I’ll update this post with a link as soon as it becomes available (I’m hoping sometime today). Until then, here’s an awesome custom-made theater policy ad that Sesame Street did for Lowes Theatres. Judging by how quiet Ernie and the other Henson characters are, I’d say this was just after his death:

UPDATE: Here it is!


Apr 15 2011

Star Trek: TNG: XXX

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As a casual Star Trek fan, I started watching this SFW trailer for the porn parody out of mild interest. I did not expect to actually be sucked in by the PLOT of a porn. And if you ignore the goofy facial hair and budget Klingon makeup, the production values are actually crazy high! Like, higher than some of the early episodes of the show it’s mimicking. The team was clearly full of Trekkies who put a lot of (hot, steamy) love into their work.

And you’re telling me they get naked too? I AM SO THERE.

[via Wesley Crusher himself, Wil Wheaton]


Apr 13 2011

British Trailer Double Shot

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No podcast today, folks, but check back next Wednesday for our extensive look at the Scream series, including Scream 4. Until then, let’s have a look at some Britishy trailers, starting with Dan Radcliffe in ghost story The Woman in Black.

Obviously it’s a teaser, so there’s not much to see. But I hear great things about the book so my hopes are high. Just like they are for the new season (or “series”) of Doctor Who.

Can’t wait!

[via /Film and Screened]


Apr 11 2011

Funny or Die: When Harry Met Sally 2

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Stick with this, folks. It’s worth it.

[via /Film]


Apr 4 2011

Envelotech

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Well, it’s Monday again, but don’t commit suicide just yet! First enjoy one of my favorites from last Friday’s batch of online April Fool’s gags. It’s from Telltale Games, makers of the recent/upcoming Back to the Future and Jurassic Park games we’ve talked about on the site. Enjoy!


Mar 17 2011

How many people are you willing to step on?

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Mar 11 2011

New Smurf Trailer Really Smurfs the Smurfy Smur-Oh Jesus Fucking Christ Forget It

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Time to play my favorite cartoon-turned-live-action-movie game: Gag Ratio! It’s simple and you can play along at home. Step one, watch the new trailer for The Smurfs. Let’s do that now!

Did you do it? Great. Now mute the audio so you don’t have to listen to that godawful commercial. And by the way, Yahoo! and its advertisers: You think you’re so cool with your non-skippable advertising embedded into my site? Well, your product is terrible and nobody loves you. There, I’ve cleverly countered your marketing with counter-marketing. Game. Set. Ryan.

What were we doing? Oh right. Now that you’ve seen the trailer, you count up all the jokes and put them into three piles. Pile 1 is for slapstick jokes where people fall down or get hurt. Pile 2 is for dick and fart jokes, anything scatological or sexual. Pile 3 is any other joke. Aaaaaannnnd GO!

How’d you do? Here’s what I came up with:

SLAPSTICK: 5
DICK/FART: 7
NOT FUNNY: 4
OTHER: 0

Oh, did I forget to mention the pile for derivative, unfunny bullshit? Well, on my third viewing of the trailer, I decided there needed to be a fourth pile. Anyway, this summer don’t forget to Smurf the Smurfin’ Smurf! RADICAL!


Mar 7 2011

News I Was Too Lazy to Mention When it Was News: Roundup Post

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Happy Monday, kids. Here’s another batch of stuff that fell through the cracks…

Badass Digest reports that Shane Black, writer of Lethal Weapon and writer/director of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang may direct Iron Man 3.  Good news, I say.  I’m usually a fan of Black’s stuff, and he’s got just the sense of humor (and reporre with Downey Jr.) for the job.  Of course, this would be his first comic book flick.  But as you can see below, he’s been studying up:

Speaking of comics, /Film reveals that the producers for that Godawful Spider-Man musical have hired a new writer to fix it.  They wanted someone who really understood the character of Spider-Man.  What makes him appealing both from a visceral, action-focused perspective, as well as an emotional character-focused perspective.  With that in mind, they’ve hired ANY 15-YEAR-OLD IN AMERICA.

In happier times.

I’ll tell you who needs his story rewritten (segue!), Tommy the Green Power Ranger AKA Jason David Frank.  And yes I knew that name from memory because I saw it every weekday morning for a good four years straight.  Sadly, according to Geekologie, JDF’s in a bit of a jam after cracking some dude in the jaw so hard, his teeth came out.  To be fair, this was during an officially sanctioned mixed-martial arts bout.  To be EXTRA fair, this was NOT the guy he was supposed to be fighting, but some random employee of the gym.  Apparently he forgot the Power Ranger’s rule of escalation: start out with harmless gymnastics, wait for the bad guy to power up BEFORE you morph.

Hey, know what else was green and a part of my childhood?  Gremlins, which was a horror comedy directed by the great Joe Dante.  And now it looks like Dante may be returning to the genre with a new Vampire/Werewolf comedy called Monster Love.  Yeah it’s kind of a tired concept at this point, but if anyone can inject some new life into it, it’s him.  /Film’s got the pres release.

Finally, you know I love to end a roundup with a video, so check out this excellent compilation of conspicuous product placement in films put together by FilmDrunk (via /Film):

It’s a great video, but of course it’s missing one of Logan and my favorites, featuring a very-pre-famous George Clooney: