Dec 3 2010

IMPORTANT NEWS FLASH: “Piranha 3D” Sequel Gets a Title!

Looks like it's back to work for boob master Eli Roth!

And that title is…Piranha 3DD

Seriously.  I may be alone here, but Ithink that’s a brilliant title.  I can pretty much already see the 3D boobs on the poster, and as we all know, 3D boobs pack those theater seats.  Hollywood even has a formula for this:

3D boobies = Money in bank

Have a great weekend, kids.

Dec 1 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #73: Dangerous


What a beautiful place…to be with friends. REVIEWED: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1. PLUS: Logan’s dangerous obsession with National Lampoon Magazine.

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Nov 29 2010

Upcoming MST3K box set is friend to all children


MSTies rejoice! Shout Factory has announced, via Satellite News, that they will release a five-disc box containing every Gamera episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Why is this news? Because the guy who brought those movies to America, Sandy Frank, has long blocked DVD distribution of the MST3K versions.

The going theory has been that Frank didn’t take too kindly to the way Joel and the bots personally lambasted him on the show, but according to Badass Digest, it was just a matter of money. Either way, Frank’s stake in the films has expired and the big fire-breathing turtle is finally flying into your home. As Badass points out, this could mean that more MST3K versions of Sandy Frank owned films could be on the way, like Time of the Apes, Mighty Jack, and the Fugitive Alien movies.

Nov 22 2010

Pre-Thanksgiving Blog Queue Roundup


Hey folks.  It’s a short week due to Thanksgiving.  No podcast and we’ll just be posting today and tomorrow.  So, before the holiday break, I wanted to clear out a couple things I meant to post about last week:

First up, here’s some long lost footage from Back to the Future Part II. It’s the full video loop that plays outside the Biff Tannen Museum scene in alternate 1985. There’s definitely more here than we see in the finished film, and it sounds like the narration is still temp. So, I guess that makes this the version from alternate alternate 1985.

[/Film via]

While we’re on the subject, check out this very interesting article where BTTF scribe Bob Gale debunks some common misconceptions about the trilogy.

It’s old news now, but here’s the full Green Lantern trailer. Everything about it pleases me except the costume which was created entirely by CG rather than physical material. It looked great on the cover of Entertainment Weekly awhile back, but it’s kind of fakey when seen in motion. Hopefully they’ll give it one more pass before it hits theaters.

Here’s a publicity shot for the Broadway musical Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark wherein Nicole Kidman from Moulin Rouge! is terrorized by a slouchy, bipedal version of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Badass Digest has three others, each goofier than the last.

"It's the fact that I'm a walking abomination isn't it?"

And finally, if you’re spending Monday counting the hours until the Thanksgiving holiday, embrace your frustration with this video compilation of every violent, primal, non-lingual utterance Arnold Schwarzenegger has ever committed to film. See you next week!

[Via /Film]

Nov 12 2010

R.I.P Dino de Laurentiis


His record speaks for itself, but I’ll always know him best as the man who helped bring us this:

Godspeed, sir.

Nov 8 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #71: Screwvernors


The final ingredient to this podcast…is YOU! …And cumen.  REVIEWED: Saw 3D. PLUS: BevCast.  ALSO: If you missed our Critical Hit of the first six Saw movies, check it out here.

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Oct 31 2010

What to Watch on Halloween


This list isn't for you, Li'l Eeyore!

Happy Halloween, folks!  If you’re like me, Halloween has transformed over the years from an excuse to dress up and bug people for candy to an excuse to sit at home and watch scary movies.  And eat candy.

Recently, some friends asked me to put together a list of thriller/horror movies that I recommended.  I was pretty happy with what I came up with, so I’m sharing it with you, in case you needed some inspiration for your own All Hallows’ Eve celebration.  Feel free to disagree in the comments.


  • Psycho (thriller/slasher) Obviously.  First and best slasher.
  • Three…Extremes (Saam gaang yi – subtitled) – Watch Instantly from Netflix – This one’s great for a party because it’s composed of three short stories, all creepy.  None of them are blow-you-away-awesome but they’re each fun and disgusting in their own way.  Gets very gross.
  • The Evil Dead Trilogy (horror/horror comedy/action adventure) – Watch Instantly from Netflix – Obviously a must see.  The second one’s the best, but they’re all great and better as a marathon.
  • Psycho Beach Party (horror comedy) My favorite horror comedy of all time.  Gidget meets Hitchcock.
  • Re-Animator (horror/dark comedy) – Crazy college student discovers Frankenstein serum, creates super disturbing zombies.  Jeffrey Combs is amazing in this.
  • Dead Alive – (horror comedy-ish) aka Braindead.  Early Peter Jackson does Evil Dead.
  • The Frighteners (horror comedy-ish) later Peter Jackson does Ghostbusters
  • The Mist (thriller) – Most of the movie is an awesome and faithful adaptation of the Stephen King novella.  Then the end…oh man, the end.  Different from the book but AMAZING.
  • Undead (horror comedy)  Probably my second favorite horror comedy.  Australian zombie flick with kickass action and a really weird plot twist.  Succeeds both in the comedy and the horror which is rare.
  • Infection (Kansen – subtitled) – Watch Instantly from Netflix – Some weird infection makes people kill people in gruesome and awesome ways.  The story’s not stellar, but the suspense and effects are pretty great.
  • Identity – Remember this?  John Cusack….anyone?  I liked it.
  • Dawn of the Dead (the 2004 remake)  I wasn’t a fan of Romero’s original but this remake is pretty good.
  • Premonition (Yogen – subtitled) – Watch Instantly from Netflix – NOT the Sandra Bullock version.  Very cool film.
  • The Omen (the original)- Watch Instantly from Netflix – Awesome suspense film made even better by giving you the opportunity to do Gregory Peck impression’s the whole time.  I’ll get you started:
    • “I remember when my daddy gave me that gun. He told me that I should never point it at anything in the house; and that he’d rather I’d shoot at tin cans in the backyard. But he said that sooner or later he supposed the temptation to go after birds would be too much, and that I could shoot all the blue jays I wanted – if I could hit ’em; but to remember it was a sin to kill a mockingbird…”
  • The Howling (horror/dark comedy) – Early Joe Dante’s take on werewolves mixed with some weird social commentary.  If you watch this, you must PROMISE me that you’ll be deathly quiet when the female lead is searching the dark office.  Because the best thing ever is about to happen.
  • The Descent – Spooky thangs in a cave.
  • Creepshow (cheese factor) – Watch Instantly from Netflix – Adaptation of several Stephen King short stories.  The one King himself stars in is hilarious.
  • Final Destination (cheese factor)  Though I secretly like this movie on a non-ironic level.  Avoid all the sequels.
  • Gremlins and/or Gremlins 2 – Again, an obvious one.
  • The Thing (John Carpenter)
  • Black Sheep (horror comedy)
  • The Eye (Gin gwai – subtitled) NOT the Jessica Alba version.
  • The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (original) – It’s not stellar but it did invent the chainsaw maniac as well as the documentary style horror movie.
  • The ‘burbs Watch Instantly from Netflix – (horror/comedy)
  • Silent Night, Deadly Night (cheese factor) Got to get a Christmas one on the list.  See Logan’s detailed review here.
  • Killer Klowns from Outer Space (cheese factor/horror comedy)- Watch Instantly from Netflix
  • The Wickerman (original)  Two words: Christopher Lee.
  • Child’s Play (slasher) – Watch Instantly from Netflix – The series is really hit or miss but the first one is pretty solid.
  • A Nightmare on Elm Street Series (slasher) – Most of these movies aren’t “good” per se, but they’re kind of required viewing of the genre.  The worthwhile entries are:
  • Friday the 13th Series (slasher) – Most are even worse than the Elm Street movies.  The first Friday the 13th is reasonably good and has a nice twist that everyone already knows.  And Freddy vs. Jason is actually pretty awesome (a highlight for both characters).  Also, despite Logan’s protests, I thought the Michael Bay produced remake was surprisingly good.  The others are only good for their comedic value.  Particularly…
    • Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter – Funny for not being the final chapter, and containing the antics of both Corey Feldman and Crispin Glover.
    • Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan – Hilarious for NOT taking place in Manhattan.
    • Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday – Watch Instantly from Netflix – Jason is killed when the FBI sets up a “sting” for him that consists of a naked chick in a cabin.  Then his demon possesses the black guy from X-Files.
    • Jason X – Jason IN SPACE!
  • Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (horror comedy) – Now you’re ready for this one.  The horror comedy that becomes an actual horror movie as it goes along.

Oct 27 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #70: I wish there were more potatoes here


Ghost or no ghost? Let’s go to the video tape… REVIEWED: Paranormal Activity, Paranormal Activity 2. PLUS: Quack quack!

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Oct 26 2010

Cars 2: Audience 0

The teaser trailer for the upcoming sequel that nobody asked for Cars 2, is officially the first work from Pixar that has depressed me to no end.  Please announce in a few weeks that this was actually produced by Dreamworks:

What the hell is even going on here?!  Is this supposed to be some sort of Mission: Impossible spoof?  If so, you’re like a decade late on that, Pixar.  Oh, and I consider myself something of a fan of comedy, but can somebody PLEASE tell me what the joke is supposed to be?  Did I miss something (besides Cars 1 of course)?

Cars 2 will attack your good sense and wallet sometime next summer.  I’m sure it’ll be in 3D too, but c’mon, were you really planning on sending your kids to college?  I think not.

Oct 21 2010

Mel Gibson Plans Next Hangover

Guess who's single, ladies!

Wait, so Mel Gibson is going to have a cameo as a tattoo artist in The Hangover 2?*  What happened to moving back to Australia with his ex-wife and fighting wild dingoes?**  Will Gibson manage to once again sneak another comeback by us?***  Will he hopefully punch Zach Galifianakis in the face?****  And will I ever run out of goofy Mel Gibson photos to run?***** 

* It’s true.
** I made that last part up.
*** My guess?  Yes.  Yes, he will.
****Speaking of Galifianakis

Still single! Anyone? Hello?

Oct 11 2010

Complete the Journey…NOT in 3D


"You want it post-converted when?"

In an extraordinarily rare show of common sense, WB has decided NOT to release part one of the final Harry Potter film in 3D, because they “were unable to convert the film in its entirety and meet the highest standards of quality.”  So they ran out of time, which isn’t exactly like saying “there was no reason for this to be in 3D in the first place” but I’ll take it.  Hollywood’s no stranger to rushed 3D conversion jobs, so it’s nice someone finally had the guts to put the kibosh on one.  That doesn’t mean part two won’t be in 3D, however, so you’ll still be able to enjoy the magical wonder that slightly increased depth of field will bring to Ron Weasley’s hair.

[Via Screened]

Oct 7 2010

AMC Pulls “Hatchet II”

Director Adam Green with Hatchet's Victor Crowley.

Although I don’t have an AMC theater in my neighborhood, I was excited to hear that they had agreed to start showing “Unrated” movies.  This is really something that’s overdue in the film community, as most filmmakers will tell you that the MPAA is basically a big joke run by Hollywood bullies (Case in point: This Film is Not Yet Rated and Matt and Trey’s battle with the MPAA over the South Park movie).

And now it looks like they’ve struck again…maybe.  Mere days after opening last Friday, AMC pulled Adam Green’s Hatchet II, and nobody seems to know why.  AMC released a statement saying, “At AMC theaters, we review all films in all of our theatres every week and then make our business decisions based on their performance.”  Gee, that’s nice and all, but do they realize that they didn’t even let this movie play for a week?  Writer/Director/Awesome Guy Adam Green stepped in with the most logical explanation: The MPAA is out to get him.

“All signs would point to AMC being unhappy with how vocal I was about the MPAA and not wanting to deal with the controversy- which if the case, is their given right. Had the film grossed millions, maybe it would be a different story with them,” he said in an early statement.  If true, this makes me pretty mad.  I’m not going to sit here and type a long rant about how corrupt the MPAA, mainly because it’s all been said before by people who are far more articulate than myself, but I will say this: Fuck you, MPAA.

via CHUD

Sep 29 2010

Remember Sherlock Holmes?


You know, that film that made a ton of money last year but wasn’t Avatar?  Well, I loved it, and this news has me chomping at the bit for the sequel.

Apparently Jared Harris, who Critical End! fans will know from both Mad Men and the second Resident Evil movie, will be playing Moriarty.  And, in news that slipped by me somehow, Stephen Fry will play Mycroft, Sherlock’s older brother!  Both of these announcements are huge, as these are some damn fine British actors set to play classic British roles.  Which leaves me wondering how Downey’s passable-but-not-outstanding accent will fair in their company.

Either way, confirmation that both Holmes’ arch-nemesis and oft-forgotten brother will appear in the second movie makes me think that they’ll continue to strike a nice balance between literary fan service and modern action.  And that is alright by me.

[Via /Film]

Sep 24 2010

Roger Rabbit CG Test from 1998


The idea of a Who Framed Roger Rabbit sequel has been around for a while.  Last time Zemeckis talked about it, he said Roger would definitely be in 2D, but just for fun, here’s some blurry video of a CG Roger test done 12 years ago.

[Via Fred Entertainment]

Sep 15 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #66: Turn that sexiness down


Let a Milla Jovovich be your umbrella. REVIEWED: Resident Evil, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Resident Evil: Extinction, Resident Evil: Afterlife.

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