Nov 18 2011

Oh man, I know I shouldn’t be excited…


…but holy hell…

Chalk it up to 80’s nostalgia and my unexplainable happiness that Arnold’s making movies again, but…man that looks cool.

[/Film via JoBlo]

May 25 2011

Don’t Toy With My Emotions, Arnold Schwarzenegger!


The hijinks of Danny DeVito can't save you now, Arnold.

Damn you, Arnold! I was all excited about your return to film and then you go and retroactively have had an affair, complete with love child. Now the Daily Beast reports that you’re putting your career on hold and that that wonderfully goofy Governator cartoon has been scrapped.  I waited for however-many long years you were in office to get another taste of your unique brand of goofy machismo and just when the prize is in sight you decide it’s time to focus on your multiple families.

Look, obviously the Schwarzeneggers are going through a tough time, and I hope they work it out and get through this.  But in the meantime, wouldn’t it be healthy for Arnold to lose himself in his work a little?  And by his work I mean movies where he’s a violent robot, alien hunter, or undercover spy.

Until then, we’ll have to look elsewhere for over-the-top performances and badly written dialog.  Like, say…video games!

Apr 29 2011

Schwarzenegger and Fast Five Director attached to Next Terminator


Makeup tests are underway.

We all knew it was inevitable, but it looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger will be returning to the Terminator franchise just as soon as he can get somebody to pay for it.  Apparently, Justin Lin of Fast Five fame is going to direct.

While I’m glad to see Arnold return to movies, I’m only now realizing that I don’t particularly want him returning to the Terminator.  I suspect that another Arnold Terminator would be the same old thing we’ve seen three times before, as opposed to the fairly inventive take that Terminator Salvation showed us when forced to do (mostly) without his involvement.

Sure, I’ll still see it, but I’d take another True Lies or even Predator before another Terminator, unless they find a new and interesting take on the concept.

[via /Film]

Apr 1 2011

Friday Roundup: No Joke Edition


Happy April Fool’s Day, kids!  To celebrate, here are some stories that should be jokes, but (as far as I know) are 100% true:

Arnold Schwarzenegger is teaming up with obviously bored comics giant Stan Lee to produce The Governator, a comic book/animated series starring Arnold as himself. Except in this version he quits politics to become a super strong action spy crimefighter, unlike the real world where he quit politics to do an embarrassingly self-aggrandizing comic book/animated series. Now, this news COULD be a joke perpetrated by Entertainment Weekly, but so many sites have reported it as true, that I decided to jump on the bandwagon. Mostly so I could post another clip of Stan Lee’s last infamous collaboration with a celebrity:

In other famous person team-up news, here’s a story that’s been kicking around for awhile, but has seen a recent resurgence: Stephen King and John (Sexy Cougar) Mellencamp are working on a musical called Ghost Brothers of Darkland County. Have we learned NOTHING from Spider-Man, people? If you’re doing a musical, get someone who writes musicals, not a washed up rock star. Although, I have to admit I’d love to see Ringo Starr do a modern stage adaptation of the Paul Bunyan story. I think it might go a little something like this:

Finally, James Cameron has revealed his next big innovation in filmmaking: using more film. Cameron’s convinced that shooting film at higher frame rates will blow audiences away. Sure, more frames per second adds up to a clearer picture and smoother movement (see modern videogames which almost all average more than cinema’s 24fps), but I still find it funny that the guy who taught us that action films could have decent scripts (Terminator, Aliens) has completely abandoned story in favor of visuals. “MORE PICTURES! DELIVERED FASTER TO YOUR BRAIN! WHAT DO YOU MEAN AVATAR WAS DERIVATIVE? IT WAS SO PRETTY!”

Have a good weekend!

Nov 22 2010

Pre-Thanksgiving Blog Queue Roundup


Hey folks.  It’s a short week due to Thanksgiving.  No podcast and we’ll just be posting today and tomorrow.  So, before the holiday break, I wanted to clear out a couple things I meant to post about last week:

First up, here’s some long lost footage from Back to the Future Part II. It’s the full video loop that plays outside the Biff Tannen Museum scene in alternate 1985. There’s definitely more here than we see in the finished film, and it sounds like the narration is still temp. So, I guess that makes this the version from alternate alternate 1985.

[/Film via]

While we’re on the subject, check out this very interesting article where BTTF scribe Bob Gale debunks some common misconceptions about the trilogy.

It’s old news now, but here’s the full Green Lantern trailer. Everything about it pleases me except the costume which was created entirely by CG rather than physical material. It looked great on the cover of Entertainment Weekly awhile back, but it’s kind of fakey when seen in motion. Hopefully they’ll give it one more pass before it hits theaters.

Here’s a publicity shot for the Broadway musical Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark wherein Nicole Kidman from Moulin Rouge! is terrorized by a slouchy, bipedal version of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Badass Digest has three others, each goofier than the last.

"It's the fact that I'm a walking abomination isn't it?"

And finally, if you’re spending Monday counting the hours until the Thanksgiving holiday, embrace your frustration with this video compilation of every violent, primal, non-lingual utterance Arnold Schwarzenegger has ever committed to film. See you next week!

[Via /Film]

Sep 22 2010

True Lies Sequel Actually an Upcoming ABC TV Series


Big deal, it's been adapted before.

There have been rumors to this affect for a while now, but it appears that it’s now somewhat confirmed.  The James Cameron/Schwarzenegger classic True Lies will be morphed into a prime time TV series for ABC.

Honestly, I’m excited to see what they come up with.  The spy-with-a-family-life premise still has some juice (though, J.J. Abrams’ Undercovers is treading very similar ground), and Cameron is no stranger to producing TV shows, though they haven’t traditionally lasted very long.  Let’s just hope we don’t all have to buy 3D televisions to watch this.

The big question mark is who will take over Arnold’s role.  My pick?  Arnold.  But that’s mostly because I’m anxious to see him get back to acting.  He could at least cameo as a rival spy or something, right?  Ease back into things a bit.  Actually, rebooting old Arnold movies as TV shows could be a great new trend!  Imagine Last Action Hero as a Saturday morning cartoon.  Each episode, Arnold and the kid go on a new crazy adventure in a different movie.  It’ll be like the animated version of Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventures but without all the annoying, government-mandated learning!

Aug 18 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #62: Screwballs


This week, Dolph Lundgren battles Randy Couture’s seven evil exes while Michael Cera invades Guatemala.  Where was Carl Weathers?  REVIEWED: The Expendables, Scott Pilgrim. PLUS: We earn our “explicit” rating.

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Jul 14 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #59: HOT PICS!

Come on… Come on! Listen to it! Listen to it! Come on. Come on! Listen to this podcast! It’s here! Listen to it! Come on! Listen! It’s here! Come on! Do it now! Listen to this podcast!  REVIEWED: Predators.  PLUS: If it’s for a prison movie, it’s not gay.

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Jul 12 2010

Calling all Hulks!


Guess what, you guys?  Marvel has dropped Edward Norton from Avengers, meaning that a THIRD actor will be called upon to reboot the characters of “Bruce Banner” and “Guy Whose Face Serves as The Very Loose Basis for a CGI Hulk Puppet.”  Now, Marvel’s probably going to go with an unknown who they can get for pennies on the dollar, but there are plenty of alternatives they’re not even considering.  For example…

Arnold Schwarzenegger
By the time they film Avengers, Schwarzenegger will be out of the governor’s office and raring to return to acting.  Clearly, the Incredible Hulk is the perfect comeback role.  Well into his sixties, Schwarzenegger will bring a more mature, world-weary quality to the part.  Now, I know what you’re thinking:  “Ryan, you sexy bastard, Arnold may have the Hulk’s physique, but didn’t Batman and Robin prove that he can’t play a nerdy scientist?”  Well, I’ll answer your question with one of my own.  Which is more expensive: creating a CGI Hulk that rips a helicopter in half?  Or creating a CGI Bruce Banner that sits pensively in a lab, contemplating the duality of man?  Exactly.  Let Arnold play the hulk, and leave Banner to the boys at ILM (and Rainn Wilson who will provide the nebishy voicework.)

Jonah Hill
The biggest problem with Bruce Banner?  He’s so depressing!  “Oh woe is me!  I can’t control my darkest urges!  The inner-torment is unbearable!”  SHADDUP ALREADY!  Jonah Hill’s unique brand of offbeat comedy (being fat and saying “fuck” a lot) is just the refreshing tweak this character needs.  Imagine the Hangover-style hijinks he and Tony Stark will get into!  Plus, instead of being insanely muscular  and driven by rage when he Hulks out, he’ll be morbidly obese and driven by his insatiable craving for KFC.  Product placement!

Katherine Heigl
It might be time to go a whole different direction and throw She-Hulk into the mix. Heigl’s a big box office draw (especially for the lady types that typically pass on superhero flicks).  And she’s sure to do it on the cheap, because she’s so notoriously difficult to work with that the only way for her to guarantee a longterm career is to attach herself to a franchise where she doesn’t actually have to appear on-set with any of her costars.  All the action will be CG, and whenever she’s Jennifer Walters, she’s got to be completely isolated due to…her…contagious radiation sickness!  Done.

The possibilities are endless.  Actually they end right there.  So, pick one and get back to me, Hollywood.  I’m sure we can negotiate a reasonable fee for my services (whatever Edward Norton wanted, double it.)


Apr 12 2010

There’s always someone in there. It costs me a fortune in closet doors.


I’m going to be honest.  I miss Schwarzenegger.  Sure, he’s terrible at acting as we traditionally define it.  But he’s an expert at being Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Jan 19 2010

At Home With The Predators

I’m something of an Alien and Predator nerd.  I admit that even the worst film in the series, Predator 2, has a 2 disc home in my DVD collection.  I also admit that I’m quite looking forward to the upcoming Predator sequel, Predators.  Nothing but good news has come out of the rumor-mill so far: Robert Rodriguez producing, Topher Grace and Adam Brody starring (?!), non-CG effects courtesy of K.N.B., and maybe even a cameo from Schwarzenegger’s Dutch.

All of that being said, I was excited to find out that several photos were leaked out and posted online.  You can view most of them here, but I would be lying if I told you that they gave anything away…except for one that is.  Look closely at this photo of stars Adam Brody and Oleg Taktarov…

Yes, that is, in fact, a Predator standing on a goofy yellow ladder in the background.  It would appear that Hollywood has FINALLY gotten around to making the Chevy Chase-influenced slapstick Predator film that I pitched years back.

May 30 2009

Critical End! (The Podcast) #16: One More Chip


Wash day tomorrow? Nothing clean, right? REVIEWED: The Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, Terminator Salvation.

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