Dec 3 2010

IMPORTANT NEWS FLASH: “Piranha 3D” Sequel Gets a Title!

Looks like it's back to work for boob master Eli Roth!

And that title is…Piranha 3DD

Seriously.  I may be alone here, but Ithink that’s a brilliant title.  I can pretty much already see the 3D boobs on the poster, and as we all know, 3D boobs pack those theater seats.  Hollywood even has a formula for this:

3D boobies = Money in bank

Have a great weekend, kids.

Nov 19 2010

This Thanksgiving…

…why not make it a movie night?  And since this film doesn’t fully exist yet…

…why not get the family together and watch this one instead?

Full review coming this Tuesday.  See you back here then.

Sep 1 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #64: Size 8 Women’s

Okay, who ate the last exorcism?  C’mon, I was saving that, you guys! Why do I even put my name on stuff if you guys are just gonna ACT LIKE ANIMALS! REVIEWED: The Last Exorcism. PLUS: DeskTalk!(TM)

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Aug 25 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #63: Down Deep

Joe Dante, James Cameron, and Roger Corman.  Guess which one doesn’t have an Oscar. Wrong! REVIEWED: Piranha, Piranha 2: The Spawning, Piranha 3D. PLUS: 3D Trailer Talk and the Ultimate Dolph Lundgren Fan.

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Jan 12 2010

Eli Roth VS. The Killer Sea Urchins!

I think the subject says all you need to know, but TMZ reported a few days back that Critical End! fav Eli Roth was kayaking off the coast of Mexico when he decided to start punching out a whole rock full of sea urchins.  Needless to say, he was stung over 200 hundred times, but if sea urchins have asses, then I’m sure several were kicked.

The actual story (complete with a nasty photo of Roth’s swollen foot), can be found at TMZ…however, I should point out that your pals and gals here at Critical End! think TMZ is rather lame, so why not just enjoy this picture of Roth dancing on a hotel balcony instead:

Apr 20 2009

Eli Roth To Get Awesomer

elirothIt’s no secret that Eli Roth is my favorite horror director of recent years (cue hate mail), so I was both extremely happy and extremely all like “Huh?” when I read this story over at MTV movies. I know you don’t have time to read it, what with your busy online schedule of keeping up with everything that your ex is doing on Facebook (that slut).

I’ll hit the three highlights:

1. The “Huh?” news? Roth is trying to get his first big honkin’ budget movie made. So, what’s it about? I’ll let him take it from here:

“I don’t want to give away the title yet, because I have to make sure I own it 100%, but it’s going to be something that is really fun with lots of mass destruction. I wanted to do something along the lines of Transformers or Cloverfield that was a little more science fiction-based, and with lots of chaos and mass destruction. I don’t want to say what [the monster is] yet. Once it gets set up, I will let everyone know. It is not aliens or robots or a virus – it’s a little more grounded. But when people hear it they are going to be like That is going to be insane!”

Okay, Roth, I’m intrigued. I can only hope that it’s better than, well, Transformers or Cloverfield.

2. Okay, so this isn’t really a highlight so much as a comment: When did MTV start scoring all the good movie scoops? This is the third time that your pals at Critical End! have linked to their site and I’m kinda getting tired of it. Each time I feel like I lose a bit more of my soul. Where was I? Oh, yes…

3. The extremely exciting news: It also would appear that Roth is finally getting around to making Thanksgiving! Roth again:

“The plan is this: I want to do a huge budget movie, but tack on three weeks to the end of it and shoot Thanksgiving. I want to do an $80 million dollar movie, and then schedule three weeks at the end to quickly shoot a $5 million dollar movie.”

What’s all this hooplah? Some of you may recall Roth’s way way way over the top faux trailer to Thanksgiving in the mediocre Grindhouse. If so, you may realize why I’m so excited. In little under three minutes, Roth managed to parody and pay tribute to the slasher genre in such a way that I wanted to stand up and cheer after it was over…but then Tarantino’s Death Proof came on and I fell asleep.

Anyway, in case you missed it, check out the awesomeness below. That is all.