Nov 12 2010

R.I.P Dino de Laurentiis


His record speaks for itself, but I’ll always know him best as the man who helped bring us this:

Godspeed, sir.

Nov 8 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #71: Screwvernors


The final ingredient to this podcast…is YOU! …And cumen.  REVIEWED: Saw 3D. PLUS: BevCast.  ALSO: If you missed our Critical Hit of the first six Saw movies, check it out here.

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Oct 31 2010

What to Watch on Halloween


This list isn't for you, Li'l Eeyore!

Happy Halloween, folks!  If you’re like me, Halloween has transformed over the years from an excuse to dress up and bug people for candy to an excuse to sit at home and watch scary movies.  And eat candy.

Recently, some friends asked me to put together a list of thriller/horror movies that I recommended.  I was pretty happy with what I came up with, so I’m sharing it with you, in case you needed some inspiration for your own All Hallows’ Eve celebration.  Feel free to disagree in the comments.


  • Psycho (thriller/slasher) Obviously.  First and best slasher.
  • Three…Extremes (Saam gaang yi – subtitled) – Watch Instantly from Netflix – This one’s great for a party because it’s composed of three short stories, all creepy.  None of them are blow-you-away-awesome but they’re each fun and disgusting in their own way.  Gets very gross.
  • The Evil Dead Trilogy (horror/horror comedy/action adventure) – Watch Instantly from Netflix – Obviously a must see.  The second one’s the best, but they’re all great and better as a marathon.
  • Psycho Beach Party (horror comedy) My favorite horror comedy of all time.  Gidget meets Hitchcock.
  • Re-Animator (horror/dark comedy) – Crazy college student discovers Frankenstein serum, creates super disturbing zombies.  Jeffrey Combs is amazing in this.
  • Dead Alive – (horror comedy-ish) aka Braindead.  Early Peter Jackson does Evil Dead.
  • The Frighteners (horror comedy-ish) later Peter Jackson does Ghostbusters
  • The Mist (thriller) – Most of the movie is an awesome and faithful adaptation of the Stephen King novella.  Then the end…oh man, the end.  Different from the book but AMAZING.
  • Undead (horror comedy)  Probably my second favorite horror comedy.  Australian zombie flick with kickass action and a really weird plot twist.  Succeeds both in the comedy and the horror which is rare.
  • Infection (Kansen – subtitled) – Watch Instantly from Netflix – Some weird infection makes people kill people in gruesome and awesome ways.  The story’s not stellar, but the suspense and effects are pretty great.
  • Identity – Remember this?  John Cusack….anyone?  I liked it.
  • Dawn of the Dead (the 2004 remake)  I wasn’t a fan of Romero’s original but this remake is pretty good.
  • Premonition (Yogen – subtitled) – Watch Instantly from Netflix – NOT the Sandra Bullock version.  Very cool film.
  • The Omen (the original)- Watch Instantly from Netflix – Awesome suspense film made even better by giving you the opportunity to do Gregory Peck impression’s the whole time.  I’ll get you started:
    • “I remember when my daddy gave me that gun. He told me that I should never point it at anything in the house; and that he’d rather I’d shoot at tin cans in the backyard. But he said that sooner or later he supposed the temptation to go after birds would be too much, and that I could shoot all the blue jays I wanted – if I could hit ’em; but to remember it was a sin to kill a mockingbird…”
  • The Howling (horror/dark comedy) – Early Joe Dante’s take on werewolves mixed with some weird social commentary.  If you watch this, you must PROMISE me that you’ll be deathly quiet when the female lead is searching the dark office.  Because the best thing ever is about to happen.
  • The Descent – Spooky thangs in a cave.
  • Creepshow (cheese factor) – Watch Instantly from Netflix – Adaptation of several Stephen King short stories.  The one King himself stars in is hilarious.
  • Final Destination (cheese factor)  Though I secretly like this movie on a non-ironic level.  Avoid all the sequels.
  • Gremlins and/or Gremlins 2 – Again, an obvious one.
  • The Thing (John Carpenter)
  • Black Sheep (horror comedy)
  • The Eye (Gin gwai – subtitled) NOT the Jessica Alba version.
  • The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (original) – It’s not stellar but it did invent the chainsaw maniac as well as the documentary style horror movie.
  • The ‘burbs Watch Instantly from Netflix – (horror/comedy)
  • Silent Night, Deadly Night (cheese factor) Got to get a Christmas one on the list.  See Logan’s detailed review here.
  • Killer Klowns from Outer Space (cheese factor/horror comedy)- Watch Instantly from Netflix
  • The Wickerman (original)  Two words: Christopher Lee.
  • Child’s Play (slasher) – Watch Instantly from Netflix – The series is really hit or miss but the first one is pretty solid.
  • A Nightmare on Elm Street Series (slasher) – Most of these movies aren’t “good” per se, but they’re kind of required viewing of the genre.  The worthwhile entries are:
  • Friday the 13th Series (slasher) – Most are even worse than the Elm Street movies.  The first Friday the 13th is reasonably good and has a nice twist that everyone already knows.  And Freddy vs. Jason is actually pretty awesome (a highlight for both characters).  Also, despite Logan’s protests, I thought the Michael Bay produced remake was surprisingly good.  The others are only good for their comedic value.  Particularly…
    • Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter – Funny for not being the final chapter, and containing the antics of both Corey Feldman and Crispin Glover.
    • Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan – Hilarious for NOT taking place in Manhattan.
    • Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday – Watch Instantly from Netflix – Jason is killed when the FBI sets up a “sting” for him that consists of a naked chick in a cabin.  Then his demon possesses the black guy from X-Files.
    • Jason X – Jason IN SPACE!
  • Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (horror comedy) – Now you’re ready for this one.  The horror comedy that becomes an actual horror movie as it goes along.

Oct 27 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #70: I wish there were more potatoes here


Ghost or no ghost? Let’s go to the video tape… REVIEWED: Paranormal Activity, Paranormal Activity 2. PLUS: Quack quack!

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Sep 27 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #67: Can I invite Gary?

[Insert Charlie Daniels solo here.] REVIEWED: Devil. PLUS: Spoiler Duck and some extra crap about music.

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Sep 15 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #66: Turn that sexiness down


Let a Milla Jovovich be your umbrella. REVIEWED: Resident Evil, Resident Evil: Apocalypse, Resident Evil: Extinction, Resident Evil: Afterlife.

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Sep 14 2010

William Castle Presents…Saw 3D?

One of my favorite bad trailers of all time is My Bloody Valentine 3D.  The trailer does a fine job of advertising for the film; it’s not until the end of it when things go horribly awry.  You see, according to the trailer fire is going to fly out of the screen.  Observe this still:

“But wait, Logan, ya lovable trickster,” you say.  “That’s just advertising the fact that the film is 3D!”  Then I ask you: Why are the people looking up?  I’m no expert, but I don’t quite think 3D works that way, Lionsgate.

But it seems that Lionsgate never got my memo, as now they’ve gone and done it again with the new Saw 3D trailer.  No fire this time.  This time?  Oh, this time one of the characters is actually going to come out of the screen, reach into your theater, and pull you into the movie.  I’m not making this up.  Let’s watch:

People, this is blatant false advertising.  In fact, if I go to see Saw 3D and the theater has NOT equipped my seat with a spiky torture device thingy that comes over my head and locks me in place…oh, I’m going to be mad.

Sep 3 2010

Everybody’s Laboring for the Weekend


With Labor Day weekend at hand, I thought I’d cram a lot of awesomness into one mega post.

First up, James Cameron thinks he owns the concept of 3D and takes it upon himself to call out Piranha 3D as “exactly an example of what we should not be doing in 3-D.”  This prompts Piranha producer Mark Canton to point out that not everyone can “take ten years using other people’s money to make and market a film.”  All I can say is that there was ritual mating in both movies and the fish film did it right.

Shamelessly stolen from

Elsewhere, I Watch Stuff reports that CBS reports that 60 Minutes and Vanity Fair report that nobody gives a crap how evil Mel Gibson is.  76% of those polled said that the scandal would have no effect on their likelihood of seeing a new Mel Gibson movie. If America can separate Gibson the man from Gibson the actor, I suppose I can start going back to my favorite Starbucks, despite that one barista’s outspoken views on abortion.

Here’s Doctor Who favorite David Tennant from the upcoming remake of Fright Night.  I’ve never seen the original, but you can pretty much take any beloved genre actor and cast them as a magician and I’ll see that movie.  Just ask The Prestige.

Speaking of awe-inspiring images, Juan Pablo Bravo made a HUGE size-comparison chart of just about any Hanna-Barbera character you can think of, 600 in all.  Click the tiny sample below for the full shebang.

Almost as cool as knowing the exact relative heights of the Hair Bear Bunch, is Conan O’Brien announcing the name of his new TBS show.  It’s a good thing he’s getting back to work.  With that beard, he looks like he’d be on the streets with a beaver puppet, leaving angry voicemails for Oksana Grigorieva if he didn’t have something to keep him busy.

And finally, let’s usher in the holiday weekend with everybody’s favorite weekend activity.  DANCE PARTY!

Happy Labor Day, folks.

Sep 1 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #64: Size 8 Women’s

Okay, who ate the last exorcism?  C’mon, I was saving that, you guys! Why do I even put my name on stuff if you guys are just gonna ACT LIKE ANIMALS! REVIEWED: The Last Exorcism. PLUS: DeskTalk!(TM)

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Aug 27 2010

Victor Crowley Lives Again

Adam Green’s Hatchet was no work of art, but it completely delivered the “Old School American Horror” that the posters promised.  I left the theater thinking Green could be the next Eli Roth, and started wishing for a whole slew of quickly made Hatchet sequels, a la the Friday the 13th films in the ’80’s.

Three years and a few decent films later, Green is finally granting my wish.  And while the teaser trailer for Hatchet II spends most of it’s time reviewing the first film, I have to admit that I’m still very excited.  Let’s hope that this gets a wide enough release so I can catch it in theaters.

Aug 25 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #63: Down Deep

Joe Dante, James Cameron, and Roger Corman.  Guess which one doesn’t have an Oscar. Wrong! REVIEWED: Piranha, Piranha 2: The Spawning, Piranha 3D. PLUS: 3D Trailer Talk and the Ultimate Dolph Lundgren Fan.

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Aug 20 2010

Craven takes a little more of my soul


At a certain point, I begin to wonder if being a guy who has hated almost everything Wes Craven does but still continues to follow his work for some reason, is any different from being his biggest fan.  Maybe I’m just kidding myself?  Or is that killing myself!

Anyway, he’s actually directing again!  Check out the trailer for My Soul to Take. The original title was 25/8, but presumably Craven couldn’t get funding for that many eighths. It’s pretty much your standard slasher, with the twist that one of the kids may be the reincarnated spirit of the murderer.  Kind of a neat idea.  I wonder how he’ll screw it up.

[via I Watch Stuff]

Jun 15 2010

Critical End! (The Podcast) #55: Now then!


Say NO to genetically modified french chicks. REVIEWED: Splice. PLUS: Things that one may only purchase at Target.

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Jun 10 2010

Final Destination 5: The Final Destination 2

When he’s not busy reinventing 3D technology, fixing oil spills, and rewriting the script to Ferngully, it seems that James Cameron is finding new ways to revive the endless Final Destination series.  Case in point: Cameron has recommended his second unit director (who has been with him since The Abyss) to New Line Cinema as the director of the upcoming Final Destination 5.

Gee.  Thanks, James.

While this news is a bit strange, I find it even weirder that they’re making a Final Destination 5.  I can only assume that it’s going to be a retelling of Disney’s Pocahontas, with a strong green message at it’s roots.  Zing!

via CHUD

Jun 8 2010

George A. Romero’s Suckfest…of the Dead

"Oh boy! An email from Logan! Let me just read this and- WHHAAA?!"

Are you reading this, Mr. Romero?  Because you should be.     

For what it’s worth, your pals here at Critical End! were calling you a hack way back when it was considered blasphemy to do so.  However, with the release of Land of the Dead, then Diary of the Dead, it seems that most horror fans have come around to our way of thinking.

Yet you refuse to stop.

Two weeks ago saw the release of Survival of the DeadSurvival of the freakin’ dead.  Why?  Because if I’m to believe what you and others claim, you pretty much invented the modern zombie film.  That doesn’t mean you were ever the best at it.  Hell, did you see the first iPod?  That thing was bulky, only came in white, and didn’t even have a color screen!  Whatever the case may be, you’re really giving M. Night Shyamalan and Kevin Smith a run for the “Hack of the Decade” award.

Which brings me back to where I started: Are you reading this, Mr. Romero?  If so, wipe the tears off of those big windshields that you call glasses and listen up.  If you want to get me and lots of other horror loving fans back into those theater seats, all you have do is simply make this movie:

…or something with Chevy Chase in it.  That would be good too.