Yippee-ki-yay, Motherfucker…Jr.
What's that? You say this isn't a picture of Bruce Willis? Oh. Rumer Willis? What the hell is a Rumer Willis?
Remember how excited you were about Live Free or Die Hard? The teaser trailer, with it’s rockin’ version of “God Bless America”, made it seem like John McClane was back and as ready to kick some ass as before. However, things turned sour pretty fast. Bruce Willis was playing now McClane as “Old Man Bruce Willis”, Justin Long was no Sam Jackson, Kevin Smith showed up for some reason, and finally, the final stab to fans hearts, a PG-13 rating.
Okay, so honestly, it wasn’t that bad. The R rated cut that later showed up on DVD made it more enjoyable, but let’s not kid ourselves: It mostly fell into the “Unnecessary Sequel” category. But that was that. I’ve moved on and so has Bruce’s career (kinda).
But wait! Hollywood has more to say! The internet is abuzz with talk of Die Hard 5, and it looks like we’re finally getting plot details. So what’s it all about? Well…do you remember John McClane, Jr.? You know, Bruce’s son that we saw for maybe fifteen seconds in the first film and was later mentioned in passing in Live Free or Die Hard? Yeah, he’s taking over the series. You read that right. The plot of Die Hard 5 will feature John and John Jr. both having a pretty rough day. Oh, and in Russia for some reason.
I can only assume that the studio is currently shopping for such fine modern thespians as Channing Tatum, Paul Walker, Justin Long, James Franco, or (dare I say it), Seth Rogan. That’s right, I went there. Who knows? Maybe they’ll even go younger to pull in the tween crowd. I hear Justin Bieber is looking to break into movies. “Yippie-ki-yay, featherplucker”, anyone?
I’ll keep an eye on this for you all. Until then, I’m going to go calm down by watching Die Hard with a Vengeance. Now that’s a Die Hard movie.
