Critical End!

All you have to do is study this great set of clips from a few Allen films:

A Retrospective of Woody Allen Surrogates from FilmDrunkDotCom on Vimeo.

As usual, I arrived a bit early for Super 8 (thoughts coming tomorrow!) this past weekend, and took some time to walk around the lobby to check out all of the new posters.  I saw a few of my old friends, and also stumbled across one of the busiest posters I’ve seen in a while.  Let’s take a look, but be warned: you may want to scroll slowly.  If you try to take this in all at once, there is a slight chance of blowing your mind all over the keyboard.

Where to start?  It appears that the studio had well over four hundred production photos and they wanted to use every fucking one of them.  Besides the goofy hair, the only thing of even remote interest on this poster is a sword fight with fire on the bottom right.  Heck, they could have at least given Milla a bust line or something.

What WAS up, anyway?

Looks like Warner Bros. plans to make some more of those CG shorts to show before their movies. While I take issue with the fact that they’re only playing in front of kids’ flicks instead of the more general films they played with in the Tunes’ heyday, I think this is pretty cool idea.

What’s doubly interesting, though, is that the shorts will take advantage of some old recordings of cartoon legend Mel Blanc to bring his voice back to some of the characters he originated. I’m on board, depending on how it’s handled. If we’re talking about a full-on Blanc performance cobbled together from songs and lines he recorded in the past, that’s great. But if it’s anything like that creepy hologram of Bob Hope from this year’s Oscars, where they used a sound-a-like to grab lines they didn’t have, I’m a lot less enthused.

Either way though, the man is an often unsung entertainment giant, and it’ll be great to see his name on the big screen where it belongs.

[via /Film]

This one goes out to the woman who was obsessively rubbing acrid-smelling lotion on herself right next to me during X-Men: First Class.

[/Film]

The whole Girl with the Dragon Tattoo phenomenon was one of those things that kind of came and went without me caring.  I heard good buzz about the book and even better buzz about the Swedish films, but I still didn’t really care that much.  Not that I have anything against it, it’s just that I already have a huge stack of both books and movies sitting around my apartment that I need to get to first.

That being said, this trailer really blew me away:

Watching it on a computer monitor really doesn’t do it justice.  In a dark theater with booming speakers, it comes across as a full on assault on the senses.  Yes, I understand that it’s nothing more than a glorified music video of sorts, but I love it when studios realize that the trailer to a film can be so much more than just clips of Adam Sandler getting smacked in the crotch set to bad voice-over.  The upcoming Muppets film did it a few weeks back with their first teaser, and now this.  Keep it up, Hollywood.

I’m not much of a Star Wars fan, but I’ll join the cool kids and tell you that the prequels sucked. I used to blame George Lucas’s increase in creative control and decreased collaboration with more talented filmmakers. Until I learned the truth…

Ya know, Robert Rodriguez, when you made only one film exclusively for your kids, I was mostly able to ignore it.  Six films, however, is a different story.  I mean, the hell?  How do you keep getting funding for this shit?  Besides, aren’t your kids in college now?  Shouldn’t you be making an all Mexican cast, 3D version of Animal House for them or something?

Anyway, let’s take a look at (gag) Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, shall we? (throws up)

Talking dogs, Jessica Alba, and the use of fucking “4D”?  What is that exactly, Rodriguez?  Are you going to pay ushers to come into the theater and throw fake dog poo in my face?  While you’re at it, why not pay them to apologize for your carrer post-Desperado?

And while I’m complaining, what’s up with your career, Joel McHale?  Community has proven that you can act, so why are you skipping to the end of Chevy Chase’s career by jumping into family films that require no acting ability?

Ok.  I’m done.  Sorry.

Now that director Joe Johnston has started making the press rounds for Captain America, it was only a matter of time before some reporter (Logan in a disguise, perhaps?) inquired about Jurassic Park 4.  Always a sport, Johnston had the following to say:

“…it likely won’t be another storyline about a group of people struggling to survive a dinosaur attack…why would anybody go back to that island? It was hard enough to figure out the second and third reason for them to go, but it would take it off in a whole other trilogy basically, but when it gets to that level it’s sort of about studios and Steven [Spielberg’s] thing and who knows. I think we are at that point where we are due for another one if we are going to do it.”

Obviously, they already have my money.  I’d be interested to see what new direction they would take the series.  As for my other Jurassic Park BFF, Sam Neill?  Not so much.

“I think we’ve told the story. I think it’s done.”

“I’ll tell you what. If Michael Crichton time travels, [and] writes the book…then absolutely.”

Fair enough, Sam, although knowing Michael Crichton, there is a chance he may have found a way to do that before his death.  Whatever the case, I’ll miss you.  I kind of figured you needed the work.

Chevy Chase shares his thoughts on "Happy Town" with old pal Sam Neill.

via Scifi Mafia

I probably should have posted this on Memorial Day, but if you’re feeling that mid-week slump and need a little inspiration, try this video on for size.

Hey, long time Critical End! fans!  Remember us complaining about this godawful poster last year?

Click on the poster for a link to the retro CE! article!

Wow.  Looking at that again, I still can’t figure out why the two sides of Kristen Stewart’s face just can’t get along.  Anyway, It seems that Summit Entertainment learned their lesson last time about badly cropped posters, as they’ve taken an entirely new approach with the upcoming Breaking Dawn: Part One teaser poster.  That approach?  Laziness. 

I’ve always wondered if Alan Rickman was truly into the Harry Potter films or just doing it for the check. That’s why it’s great to read this sweet, genuine note he penned for Empire Magazine about his experience with the character and his trio of young costars. I’m betting the cast and crew of Bottle Shock didn’t even get Christmas cards.

[Via I Watch Stuff]

Since nearly every chain theater in America went digital, I’ve noticed something odd taking place.  I can even remember the first film I noticed it: Saw III.  With it’s mostly muted colors and overall grey tone, the film appeared, to put it bluntly, too dark.  However, most of the Saw films were supposed to look like they were shot in a crypt, so I shrugged it off and returned to complaining about the group of underage teens who were talking and recording most of the film on their cell phones.

But then I started noticing it during other movies.  Sherlock Holmes, Clash of the Titans, Shutter Island, and this weekend, Pirates if the Caribbean.  Sure, I could see most of the action, but surely not all of these films were meant to look this dark and faded.  I would mention it to others, and often did, but they would suggest I get my eyes checked and start talking about how clear digital projectors have made films.

Guess what?  Turns out I was right.

Theaters are ripping us off and we have digital projectors and 3D films to blame.  Even if you’re seeing a film in 2D.  What am I on about?  Roger Ebert has written a great article that discusses this very problem and how it’s quickly becoming the norm.  Quick: Give it a read.

As usual, I’m glad to be right, however this looks to be a major problem that nobody is going to care to fix.  Ebert recommends that we should complain and get a refund.  He makes a great point, but I can already imagine the reaction I’ll get when I attempt to explain what’s wrong to some pimply faced teenager.

So…anybody else noticing this?

The hijinks of Danny DeVito can't save you now, Arnold.

Damn you, Arnold! I was all excited about your return to film and then you go and retroactively have had an affair, complete with love child. Now the Daily Beast reports that you’re putting your career on hold and that that wonderfully goofy Governator cartoon has been scrapped.  I waited for however-many long years you were in office to get another taste of your unique brand of goofy machismo and just when the prize is in sight you decide it’s time to focus on your multiple families.

Look, obviously the Schwarzeneggers are going through a tough time, and I hope they work it out and get through this.  But in the meantime, wouldn’t it be healthy for Arnold to lose himself in his work a little?  And by his work I mean movies where he’s a violent robot, alien hunter, or undercover spy.

Until then, we’ll have to look elsewhere for over-the-top performances and badly written dialog.  Like, say…video games!

…is sadly not online yet. [UPDATE: Yes it is! See below.] But I saw it before Pirates this weekend and I can confirm that it’s got just the tone I was looking for. I’ll update this post with a link as soon as it becomes available (I’m hoping sometime today). Until then, here’s an awesome custom-made theater policy ad that Sesame Street did for Lowes Theatres. Judging by how quiet Ernie and the other Henson characters are, I’d say this was just after his death:

UPDATE: Here it is!