Critical End!

Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

I fully expect this to be the biggest hit of the upcoming holiday season.

My review aside, there didn’t seem to be much love for Joe Johnston’s 2010 Wolfman remake.  You would think that maybe because it won an Oscar and Johnston is now about to release his much anticipated Captain America, it might earn some points, but apparently not. 

CHUD is telling me that Universal Studios has begun early planning for, you guessed it, another remake of The Wolfman, this time simply titled Werewolf.  How imaginative.  Add an exclamation mark to that title and you suddenly have a musical version, which I might get excited about. 

Anyway, CHUD goes on to speculate that this remake is most likely going to be set in modern day, which completely throws out all of the cool gothic style that both the original and the 2010 version worked with so well.  I also imagine that this version will be in mind-shattering 3D, which means almost completely CG effects should be expected.

Then again, maybe we’re all wrong about this thing and what Universal is actually doing is finally getting around to that Wolfman Jack biopic.

I couldn't resist the urge to use this picture.

Yeah yeah.  I don’t want to ram yet another cheesy or fun or super cool trailer down your throats again today, but there’s been a bunch popping up this week.  Maybe it’s just me, but so far it seems like this year’s best summer films are coming out this fall/winter. 

Example?  The giddy thrill I got when I first saw the trailer for this December release:

It’s been a while since Rowan Atkinson last lit up my local cineplex.  Since another Mr. Bean is still out of the question (Atkinson said in several interviews that 2007’s Mr. Bean’s Holiday was the final send-off of the character), it looks like we’re going to have to settle with Johnny English Reborn.  Sure, the first one was just so-so and performed as such in America, but you have to remember that it was a huge hit on it’s native UK where Rowan is still a box office draw.

Is it just me or has Jason Statham let us all down lately with things like The Expendables and The Mechanic?  You know what we really need?  A good ol’ fashion based-on-a-true-story Statham film where he beats people up with unlikely household items while punching them in the crotch all while a leering Clive Owen with a goofy moustache look on.

Cue Killer Elite:

Side note: Yes, I saw this trailer in front of Mr. Popper’s Penguins this weekend.  Somebody got fired, I assure you.

All you have to do is study this great set of clips from a few Allen films:

A Retrospective of Woody Allen Surrogates from FilmDrunkDotCom on Vimeo.

As usual, I arrived a bit early for Super 8 (thoughts coming tomorrow!) this past weekend, and took some time to walk around the lobby to check out all of the new posters.  I saw a few of my old friends, and also stumbled across one of the busiest posters I’ve seen in a while.  Let’s take a look, but be warned: you may want to scroll slowly.  If you try to take this in all at once, there is a slight chance of blowing your mind all over the keyboard.

Where to start?  It appears that the studio had well over four hundred production photos and they wanted to use every fucking one of them.  Besides the goofy hair, the only thing of even remote interest on this poster is a sword fight with fire on the bottom right.  Heck, they could have at least given Milla a bust line or something.

The whole Girl with the Dragon Tattoo phenomenon was one of those things that kind of came and went without me caring.  I heard good buzz about the book and even better buzz about the Swedish films, but I still didn’t really care that much.  Not that I have anything against it, it’s just that I already have a huge stack of both books and movies sitting around my apartment that I need to get to first.

That being said, this trailer really blew me away:

Watching it on a computer monitor really doesn’t do it justice.  In a dark theater with booming speakers, it comes across as a full on assault on the senses.  Yes, I understand that it’s nothing more than a glorified music video of sorts, but I love it when studios realize that the trailer to a film can be so much more than just clips of Adam Sandler getting smacked in the crotch set to bad voice-over.  The upcoming Muppets film did it a few weeks back with their first teaser, and now this.  Keep it up, Hollywood.

Ya know, Robert Rodriguez, when you made only one film exclusively for your kids, I was mostly able to ignore it.  Six films, however, is a different story.  I mean, the hell?  How do you keep getting funding for this shit?  Besides, aren’t your kids in college now?  Shouldn’t you be making an all Mexican cast, 3D version of Animal House for them or something?

Anyway, let’s take a look at (gag) Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World, shall we? (throws up)

Talking dogs, Jessica Alba, and the use of fucking “4D”?  What is that exactly, Rodriguez?  Are you going to pay ushers to come into the theater and throw fake dog poo in my face?  While you’re at it, why not pay them to apologize for your carrer post-Desperado?

And while I’m complaining, what’s up with your career, Joel McHale?  Community has proven that you can act, so why are you skipping to the end of Chevy Chase’s career by jumping into family films that require no acting ability?

Ok.  I’m done.  Sorry.

Now that director Joe Johnston has started making the press rounds for Captain America, it was only a matter of time before some reporter (Logan in a disguise, perhaps?) inquired about Jurassic Park 4.  Always a sport, Johnston had the following to say:

“…it likely won’t be another storyline about a group of people struggling to survive a dinosaur attack…why would anybody go back to that island? It was hard enough to figure out the second and third reason for them to go, but it would take it off in a whole other trilogy basically, but when it gets to that level it’s sort of about studios and Steven [Spielberg’s] thing and who knows. I think we are at that point where we are due for another one if we are going to do it.”

Obviously, they already have my money.  I’d be interested to see what new direction they would take the series.  As for my other Jurassic Park BFF, Sam Neill?  Not so much.

“I think we’ve told the story. I think it’s done.”

“I’ll tell you what. If Michael Crichton time travels, [and] writes the book…then absolutely.”

Fair enough, Sam, although knowing Michael Crichton, there is a chance he may have found a way to do that before his death.  Whatever the case, I’ll miss you.  I kind of figured you needed the work.

Chevy Chase shares his thoughts on "Happy Town" with old pal Sam Neill.

via Scifi Mafia

Hey, long time Critical End! fans!  Remember us complaining about this godawful poster last year?

Click on the poster for a link to the retro CE! article!

Wow.  Looking at that again, I still can’t figure out why the two sides of Kristen Stewart’s face just can’t get along.  Anyway, It seems that Summit Entertainment learned their lesson last time about badly cropped posters, as they’ve taken an entirely new approach with the upcoming Breaking Dawn: Part One teaser poster.  That approach?  Laziness. 

Since nearly every chain theater in America went digital, I’ve noticed something odd taking place.  I can even remember the first film I noticed it: Saw III.  With it’s mostly muted colors and overall grey tone, the film appeared, to put it bluntly, too dark.  However, most of the Saw films were supposed to look like they were shot in a crypt, so I shrugged it off and returned to complaining about the group of underage teens who were talking and recording most of the film on their cell phones.

But then I started noticing it during other movies.  Sherlock Holmes, Clash of the Titans, Shutter Island, and this weekend, Pirates if the Caribbean.  Sure, I could see most of the action, but surely not all of these films were meant to look this dark and faded.  I would mention it to others, and often did, but they would suggest I get my eyes checked and start talking about how clear digital projectors have made films.

Guess what?  Turns out I was right.

Theaters are ripping us off and we have digital projectors and 3D films to blame.  Even if you’re seeing a film in 2D.  What am I on about?  Roger Ebert has written a great article that discusses this very problem and how it’s quickly becoming the norm.  Quick: Give it a read.

As usual, I’m glad to be right, however this looks to be a major problem that nobody is going to care to fix.  Ebert recommends that we should complain and get a refund.  He makes a great point, but I can already imagine the reaction I’ll get when I attempt to explain what’s wrong to some pimply faced teenager.

So…anybody else noticing this?

Hello from Sunday night!  That’s actually when I’m typing this.  I’m going on vacation this week and because I’m can’t predict the future of the entertainment biz and still have to post something today, I decided to slap this together really fast.  It’s not like anybody is going to read it anyway, right?  I mean, after our first year or so most of you went on permanent vacation from this site.  You know who you are.  It seems like the only hits we get any more are from people searching for “hairy old men” and “steve guttenberg in dress”.  Shame on all of you.

Here’s a random clip of Chevy Chase that you’ve never seen before.  Why?  Because you won’t watch it anyway and I’m on vacation.  So fuck off.

Your friend in Christ,
Logan

I’ve read the 1938 children’s novel Mr. Popper’s Penguins several times, and let me just say that I’m glad they managed to work the wonderful scene when Mr. Popper teaches the penguins to hip hop dance into the upcoming film.

In all seriousness, I was thinking nice things about this film until the final scene of the trailer. It’s a great kids book and the updates seem to work, but why oh why must every film with CG animals feature them hip hop dancing?! If this is what CGI was meant for, I no longer want it. Please take it back.